He's Home

203 days...all led up to this family's reunion.

There are half-empty cups and used plates on every surface in the house.

His dirty clothes cover the floor of our bedroom.

I have to share the bathroom sink once again.

And I can't wipe this smile off my face.

While Richard was on deployment, there were nights I would dream he was home, and I would wake up suddenly, and look over to the other side of the bed, only to see an empty space and an untouched pillow. Those were the worst moments.

Now, every day I feel like I need to pinch myself. Having him home is a dream come true, and there is such a sense of security and fulfillment having him back.

In a way, it almost seems like he never even left; we've just picked up right where we left off back on May 4th. 

My husband, my friend, my heart. He's home.

Flashback Friday - Last Picture

These were the last two photos taken before Richard left. We have several days to go still, but I am already excited about the first picture I will get to take of him once he is home again.

Looking Back

When I think back to the beginning of this deployment, I had a lot of apprehension. I didn't quite know what to expect or how it would be. I put on a brave face, I told Richard we would be fine, I tried to act like six months would fly by. 

But secretly, I was scared. 

I was scared of those early days, right after his departure when the mountain of separation that stood before us would be at its highest, and seem impossible to tackle. I was scared of the days that would seem never-ending. I was scared of all the hours I was going to have to live and be present and productive, without Richard here.

I was also unsure of how the boys would react to him being gone. They're still young, and toddlers - thankfully - live in the present. But then I also feared that they would forget him altogether, something I was determined not to let happen.

There were some days during these past almost six months that I thought would do me in. They were hard, but I have to say that, surprisingly, this time has gone pretty quickly. I am glad that the boys have done well, even without their Dad physically being with us. And I am, of course, so grateful and lucky to have such wonderful family and friends who saved me during the times I thought the loneliness would do me in.

I also owe my thanks to Facebook and, well, the internet as a whole, since it is a great source of distraction and a good time-killer.

My husband is a rock star in my eyes for completing this deployment. His hard work and motivation are to be admired. His chosen career means that sometimes he has to spend time away from us, but we never stop loving him, or keeping him in our thoughts. And, I believe that our relationship grows stronger with each separation. Near or far, Richard remains my best friend and a wonderful father to our sons. No distance or time apart could change that.

12

I never had a favorite number, until one just happened to me.

I met Richard on the 12th.

We got married on the 12th.

Jacob was born on the 24th, which is divisible by 12. Ryan was born on the 4th, which can be multiplied into 12. (Maybe I'm stretching a bit, but stick with me here).

Ryan was also the 12th great-grandchild born on my mom's side of the family.

So, maybe I'm just being romantic, but 12 has become kind of a special number to me.

Last night I went to a meeting for the wives and families of Richard's ship. They were prepping us for the ship's return...at some point. The Ombudsmen was given 24 passes for families to park on the pier that day. The pier, would be only feet from where the ship will pull in at, so those are highly coveted spots. The rest of the families who don't get a pass, have to park literally about a mile away, and take a shuttle to the pier.

The Ombudsmen decided the best thing to do, was to give everyone a number, then pull 24 numbers out of a basket, like a raffle, as a way to fairly disperse the pier passes.

I was so nervous. If I had to, yes, I could park far away and take the shuttle. But, the thing is, I know that the day Richard comes home, I am going to be so excited, and anxious, and bubbling over with nervous energy, that I am not going to want to wait on any shuttle.

So when the Ombudsmen handed me my number, which would act as my raffle ticket, I had a good feeling.

I got a pier parking pass! I am so excited. Now I just can't wait for the day I get to use it.

10 Reasons Why I Love the Navy

In light of recent circumstances, with Richard's deployment being extended, and our Hawaii vacation being canceled, I think it could be very easy for me to be upset and disappointed. 

But, I'm not.

I've had time to think everything over and I really think it is for the best. It may not be what we had planned, or what we originally wanted, but I know that Richard is serving a great purpose for our country, and that God is in charge of all things...so really, who I am to argue with our Heavenly Father or America?

I know better than to even go there.

Instead, I decided I would make a list of all the reasons I am grateful to the Navy.

1) The Healthcare. 

     This would be reason enough, in my mind, to love the Navy. When I had Jacob, all we had to pay was $30, and that was only because I had an epidural. Richard teased me that it would have been free if I hadn't opted for the pain meds. And when we had Ryan? I got a glimpse of what it cost for him to stay in the NICU for five days: over $20,000 dollars. And that didn't even include the cost of labor and delivery, which was in the thousands as well. 

    We didn't pay a penny.

    If not for the Navy's amazing healthcare that they offer, not only would we still be in debt from those bills I am certain, but it also would have prevented us from taking on any additional financial burden, like buying our van which has been such an asset, and it most definitely would have meant no more children for us. Whether or not we have another child remains to be seen, but the option to have another would not even exist with a financial burden such as that. And I'm not even going to try to imagine the kind of stress we would be under, attempting to pay off those bills.

2) Job Security.

    With the current economic times that we are in, I thank God every day that my husband works at a job where he cannot be fired. Sure, he also can't walk in and give his two-week's notice, but job security is invaluable these days. Also, Richard is up for promotions fairly often, which include pay raises - another nice benefit.

3) College.

    Thanks to the Navy, my husband is finishing his college degree - for free. How many people would love to say they are getting a free college education? He is tremendously lucky. Also, thanks to the G.I. Bill, when our kids are college-age, one of them will be able to attend college for very little cost as well.

4) Leave.

     Sure, the military might be picky about when Richard actually gets to use it, but he gets 30 days of leave a year. Pretty nice, in my opinion.

5) Adventure.

    Growing up, we never stayed in one town for longer than a few years, and because of this, I love change. I look forward to the different places the Navy will take us. If we don't like someplace, the good news is we get to move four years later. I think we are so lucky to get to move around our country, and possibly even the world. How many people live in the same place for decades, and would give anything for the chance to live and see other places - but never get to? Of course, moving is always an adjustment, but we are the lucky ones, in my mind. Plus, being in the Navy means that wherever we are based will be near the ocean - you can't go wrong with that. You know it's going to be someplace beautiful.

6) The uniform.

    Ladies? Can I get an amen? Navy uniform...Yum.

7) Homecoming Day.

    Deployment is not very much fun...although I do get the bed to myself, I get to control the remote, and basically go without putting on make up or worrying about shaving for six months. But with every Deployment, there is always a Homecoming Day. And, as my friend Kathy said to me, Homecoming Day is more exciting than your wedding day. It really is!

8) Military Discount.

    I'm not gonna complain if a store wants to give me 10% off!

9) Military ID.

    Ladies, if you don't like the photo on your driver's license, this is a second chance for you to get it right.

10) The pride.

    I am filled with such pride when I get to tell people my husband is in the Navy. I really am at a loss for words here. He works so hard, sacrifices so much, and never complains. He is my hero in more ways than one.

So, thank you, U.S. Navy, for all that you do. Sometimes it can be a love/hate relationship, but you honestly do a great job of taking care of my husband and our family. And really, is there any better organization one can be associated with?

Homecoming King

Before I had kids and became a stay at home mom, I worked as the marketing assistant for the Everett Mall. 

It was pretty much the coolest job you could possibly imagine. 

Most of my days were spent laughing with coworkers, writing, eating Mexican food from the food ourt and taking the occasional break to "walk the mall", AKA going shopping, because, did I mention I worked at a mall??

I could write an entire post about all the fun things I got to do in that position, but one very cool thing we did as the management office was go to Navy Homecomings. 

The mall was very involved in the local community, and we enjoyed working with the Navy base. So whenever a ship would come back from deployment we would set up a booth on the pier and hand out trinkets to the kids and coupons to the spouses as they all waited for their loved ones to disembark.

I loved going to the homecomings, you could feel the excitment in the air, and there was nothing sweeter than seeing husbands, wives, daddies and children reunited after months apart. I thought homecomings were great, I got to enjoy the fun celebratory day of everyone coming home, without having to experience any of the loneliness or challenges of the several months prior that they had all been separated.

I met Richard at one of these homecomings. He had just been assigned to his ship, and was waiting to board it on the pier, when we struck up a conversation.

In college I dated a guy who was in the Army, and for 13 of the 16 months we were dating, he was stationed in Iraq. To put it simply, it sucked. After that, I swore I would never date, much less marry a guy who was in the military; I just didn't want to live that life of deployments and separations. 

When I met Richard though, I fell hard and fast, and my "no military" rule went right out the window.

Now we are closing in on the end of our second deployment together, although this is the longest we have ever been apart.

During our first deployment he got to come home after four months on emergency leave since I was in premature labor with Ryan. He had to go back to the ship afterward, but not for long. By the time the ship came in on homecoming day, it had only been a month since I'd seen Richard last.

This is the first full six month deployment we have done, and I am so excited about his return that I sometimes feel like I could jump out of my skin. I am nervous though too, it's been nearly six months since I've seen my husband and the butterflies in my stomach are going crazy.

No matter what though, no matter the weather, or if Richard is the last person to disembark the ship, this homecoming is ours.

I can't wait.

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

Distance

With Richard on deployment, we are definitely faced with the challenge of staying connected, and up to date on what's going on with both of us. I try to keep Richard informed with stories and photos of the boys, and news of all that is happening here so that he doesn't feel like he is missing out on milestones, or big achievements while he's gone. Even though we are separated physically by many miles, I want him to feel like he is still very much a part of our lives, and vice-versa.

I think we do a pretty good job of communicating and sharing, and just simply asking each other what's new or how we're doing. 

Every once in awhile though, I will make mistakes. This happened yesterday.

I got some very exciting news in the morning, when I received an email from the folks over at www.thesmartly.com, that I had been accepted to be a contributing writer for them. This is huge for me; the first opportunity I have had to publish my writing on a site other than my own blog. I was thrilled when I got the news, and quickly told everyone I knew.

Almost.

It wasn't until about 7 o'clock last night that I suddenly realized I hadn't told Richard. 

I hadn't told my husband. The person closest to me.

How could I have made such an oversight?

This was the biggest news I have had in a long time, and I couldn't understand how I had failed to tell him the moment that I found out. I instantly typed out an email to him. I told him a thousand times that I wish more than anything he were here with me so we could celebrate together.

It made me feel a little better, but not much. I try so hard to keep him in our thoughts and in our hearts. His photos are everywhere, and I check my email like every five seconds, hoping to hear from him. He is constantly on my mind, and yet, his absence all these months caused me to forget the fact that he should be first on my list of people I share big stuff with.

It's not easy, having the miles and distance between us. No matter how on top of things I think I may be, I was reminded last night that I have to continually work to make sure that the physical distance between us does not become emotional as well.

_ _

So yesterday was a very lazy day for me. The boys and I are still shaking off the last bit of this cold we've had all week, and I had no energy whatsoever. 

Around 4pm I turned on the TV and saw the a Law and Order: SVU marathon was on. This basically meant that aside from feeding my kids dinner and putting them to bed a couple hours later, my butt was glued to the couch until 11pm when the marathon ended.

As I was laying in bed a short time later, I was feeling pretty down, just thinking about how I did squat yesterday. Then I started thinking about how Richard is coming home soon and that I just don't feel like I have really rocked it in the self-improvement category during this deployment.

That's when I got an idea.

Richard will be home in _ _ days. (Sorry internet folk, can't share the actual number with you. Loose lips sink ships, ya know?). So I was thinking that _ _ days is not long at all, and I have committed myself to eat completely healthy every day for those next _ _ days. 

I admit, my self-control with food is shaky, at best. I usually give in to the ebb and flow of my emotions, boredom, or PMS. But I am determined to be strong and in control from here on out for the next _ _ days, because it sounds totally doable to me. And I am putting this out there so you all can hold me accountable.

Also, I plan to work out every day for the next _ _ days. Whether it's walking, or doing a workout video, I will get my heart rate up.

I am realistic here, and I know I won't be my dream size at the end of _ _ days, but once I finish this, I know I will feel accomplished, and like I did improve myself while Richard was away. He will come home to a wife that is confident, healthy and happy, and that is the hottest thing I could possibly wear anyway. 

Or maybe that's just what us non-skinny people say. 

In any case.

I am excited and feeling totally pumped up about this challenge to myself. I hope you all will encourage me! And if anyone feels like joining me that is great too.

After all, it's only _ _ days, you can totally do it!

Lovey-Dovey Brain

One nice thing about deployment is that Richard and I get along GREAT. Like, perfect. This isn't to say that we don't get along when he is home, but, when he is on deployment we basically go six months without having any disagreements or squabbles, because really, there is nothing to argue about. We just miss each other so much, and after awhile, we kind of develop lovey-dovey brain, where everything the other person does is wonderful and awesome and oh! we just love each other sooo much! I know that I have been hit by the lovey-dovey bug when I start missing Richard's half-empty Coca-Cola cans and crumpled candy wrappers laying all around the house, (which is normally one of my biggest pet peeves).

Lovey-dovey brain isn't a bad thing though, it feels pretty good and helps get me through the sad times of deployment, so I just embrace it and enjoy the ride. One thing that lovey-dovey-brained-Kellyn really likes to do is reminisce. I often think back to the day that I met Richard. I can still clearly see in my mind the first time that I saw him, and it's so funny to me now, to think that I had no idea in that moment that that was the man who would become my husband, and change my whole life. I was working the table for the Everett Mall at a Naval Homecoming. I was busy setting fliers and coupons out when I looked up, and locked eyes with a sailor. His eyes were stunning. As he continued onto the next table, I turned to my boss, Julie, and said, "Oh my gosh, did you see that guy? His eyes were gorgeous!" In my head, I assumed that would be the last of him, but it wasn't. We got to talking on the pier while waiting for the ship to pull in, he asked for my number, then called me two hours later, and the rest is history.

Stories of how couples meet are so fun, I enjoy hearing about how two people got together. I love our story, and I can't wait to share it with our children when they are older, and then our grandchildren sometime in the distant future.

Today I would like to hear some of your stories though - even if you think I have heard it before. If you are interested, please share in the comments section how you met your spouse and what first impressions you had of the person who ultimately became your spouse. If both you and your spouse read this blog, I would like to hear from both of you; it would be interesting to hear two different sides of the same story.

Halfway

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages. This week has really flown by for us, and I am so grateful for that. My best friend from college, Jessica, was visiting for a few days. We had such a great time together, hanging out, staying up till the early hours of the morning reminiscing and laughing. I really needed it; seeing my old friend was like an extended visit to a spa - relaxing and rejuvenating.

Today we reached a big milestone, we are halfway done with deployment. When this journey started, it seemed like we would never get here, and now that we have, it is more exciting than I can say. Richard and I have been counting down the past few days, he even sent me an email at 1am this morning to tell me that we had officially reached the halfway mark. It really seems as though we can start counting down the days, now that we will have the majority of them behind us. Rather than feeling like it will be an eternity until he gets back, things seem a little chaotic now, and I find myself worrying that everything won't be ready by the time he gets home, or that I won't have accomplished everything I wanted to do while he is gone. This halfway point has lit a fire in me, and I am excited and encouraged by this spark of motivation.

The seasons are already starting to turn, too. I can hardly believe it, since we are still in the first week of August, but the tree in our front yard is shedding leaves, and yesterday on our walk I saw a tree a few streets down, and its leaves have already turned that beautiful electric yellow that means fall is upon us. This is exciting too, I am ready for fall, because it means that we are that much closer to Richard's return. I am ready for "sweater weather", hot chocolate, days full of rain and windstorms. I have even pulled out my fall recipes - pumpkin bread, and chili. I think I will force myself to wait until September, but to see that things are already beginning to change...it's almost as if the universe wants Richard to come home too, and I won't argue with that.

Escape

Some days, missing Richard feels like too much. The ache is so overwhelming, and the only person who could truly make it disappear is thousands of miles away. On days like this, I feel like I am suffocating in my loneliness and have to get away. Everything in our house is a reminder of him, and every time I see the front door I remember that he is not going to walk through it tonight, or tomorrow night, or even a week or a month from tonight.

This is not to sound like I never see people; I think there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am rarely ever alone, yet the loneliness is always present. In fact, I have found that at family gatherings, or times when I am with a large group of people, that is when I feel Richard's absence the most. It's as though it is accentuated by the fact that everyone is here, except him.

On days like this, I have to escape. The boys and I get in the car, and we drive. No particular destination in mind, we just leave. I feel by moving, by busying myself, I am forcing the hands on the clock to move. Today we drove 40 minutes to a town, where we drove around for another five minutes and then returned home. I'm sure I'll be irritated at myself when I have to fill my car with gas next time, because the drive today was pretty pointless, but it sure beat sitting at home.

It was gorgeous today though, and every time we passed a large, open field on the drive back, all I could think was how much I wanted to take the boys outside and just let them run. As soon as we got home, that's exactly what we did.

We played with water.



We picked apples.



And ate some.



We picked flowers.



We rolled down hills accidentally.



We sat in the grass.



We stood tall on top of a hill.



We dunked our faces in water.

We escaped the emptiness that consumes us at times, and we did our best to laugh, and enjoy these moments we have together.