Four Months!

Baby Boo is four months old, closing in on 18 pounds, trying so hard to sit up, and happy as ever. 

On birthing a 10 pound baby, and other reasons I am done having kids.

             
                 No more kids for me!!

That was the first text I sent after having Boo.

Don't get me wrong. I adore him. The moment I saw him, I fell instantly in love. I kept saying "He's perfect, he's so perfect!"

But.

Between having a nearly-10 pound baby, and receiving a jacked up epidural that only worked on HALF of my body? I can easily say that giving birth to him was the single most painful experience of my life. I told Husband it's a good thing that our first son's birth wasn't that painful or we would have stopped at one kid. 

Obviously Boo was worth all of the pain, but I cringe whenever I think about the experience of having him. And the idea of doing it again is enough to terrify me right into a hysterectomy appointment.

My mom and grandma told me that I am going to jinx myself if I say "no more kids", but from where I stand right now, it would take a miracle for me to change my mind. Plus, as much as I love our new house, I don't know where we would put a fourth kid. I don't even know if I could mentally keep track of four kids.

So, for the time being I am going to love and enjoy the three healthy babies I've got. Whether or not we ever have another child, I will consider myself to be incredibly blessed. Life is so good. These three sweet faces remind me of that every day.

Introducing...

Baby Boo.

 

Born October 30th, at 9:43pm.

 

9 pounds, 13 ounces. 

21 inches long.

Perfect in every way.

Overdue

Due dates suck. 

It's like waiting all year for Christmas, only for the day to arrive and Santa is all, "Raincheck?"

We're still waiting.

The Waiting Game

A week ago I was certain I was just moments away from going into labor.

Yet here I sit. Another week bigger. More uncomfortable than ever. Sleep? What's that? 

Five days ago I was 3cm dilated and 80% effaced, (if you don't know what any of that means I will just let you Google it). Since then, I have walked every day, sometimes twice a day, and cleaned my house obsessively, expecting my water to break or contractions to come on with every passing hour. I just don't even understand how I am still pregnant with as much as I have been on my feet. Apparently baby is really comfortable I guess, so I have resigned myself to the fact that he will come when he is good and ready, and until then, we will all just have to wait.

If one more person asks me when I am going to have this baby though, I might lose it.

Husband is the worst offender of all. When he is at work, he calls every hour, asking if my water has broken yet. As if I wouldn't let him know. Like I'm gonna call him up a few hours later and be all, "Surprise! I had a baby! Didn't want to bother you at work though, so I just thought I'd keep it to myself."

I know that baby will eventually arrive though, even though these last few days (weeks?) may feel like an eternity. I am just so excited to meet him, and hold him, and see his sweet little face for the first time. I can only hope that my next post will include a photo of our newest family member.

Multipurpose.

 

Yes. I can actually use my belly as a table of sorts these days. 35 weeks as of today. I have officially passed the point when Bug was born, (cue huge sigh of relief). 

And, just hours after expressing my relief on Facebook, I began having contractions. Last night they were coming every four minutes over a span of about two hours. I finally decided that if I was able to sleep through them, then it probably meant they weren't a big deal, and, I was able to fall asleep. I have felt them on and off all day, but, no longer close enough together to time.

So, what does this mean?

Well, we're headed in the right direction. But whether it will be five more weeks, or just days until we meet our newest son, I can't tell you for sure. 

In the meantime though, I will continue making use of my built-in shelf while I can.

30 weeks, ya'll!

On Wednesday I will be 30 weeks along. That is so crazy to me! For the longest time it seemed like I would never get into the thirties. Because Bug was born premature at 34 weeks, 5 days, I feel like I have had this worry hanging over my head.

First I needed to make it to 30 weeks, and now that I am just about there, my next goal will be 34 weeks. After the 34.5 week mark, I will finally be able to breathe a sigh of relief for the first time in this pregnancy, knowing that we will (by the grace of God), not face any problems. Bug was born early, but he was healthy and strong, so I just want baby #3 to come at least after the point at which Bug was born for me to feel okay.

Some good news is that I have only gained 6 pounds to date. By this point in my last pregnancy I had gained 29 pounds. Ha. So, yay me. I also wanted to get those 6 pounds on the record before my doctor's appointment tomorrow, because Richard and I ate our weight in pizza the other night, and I have a feeling I might be above the 6 pound mark at next weigh-in, (although I hopefully will still be far from 29 pounds up!). I would like to keep my total weight gain low, since I don't want to have some sort of enormous amount of weight to lose afterward. Weight loss has always been a struggle for me, and not something that I particularly enjoy.

Overall I am feeling good though, so I can't complain. Baby is super active, and I love feeling every kick, and somersault, and hiccup. I am really starting to get excited to meet this little boy and see what and who he looks like.

I have taught the boys his name, and every morning they give my tummy a kiss and tell baby "Good morning!", it is seriously, melt-your-heart adorable. I cannot wait for the day that we will all get to kiss his sweet newborn face.

Today

Today, life is great.

My sons are running around playing. Their smiles are big and warm, and their laughter is genuine, in the way that only the laughter of children can be. They are healthy, and growing bigger every day. They make me happier than I could ever truly express.

The new baby is kicking more and more often. I felt the first big outside kick two nights ago, and quickly put Husband's hand on my stomach and he felt a kick immediately after. It doesn't matter how many children we have, those kicks never get old. We constantly marvel at the miracle that this, and each baby is.

My husband works so hard for our family, and he has made so many sacrifices for our sake. Tonight he will come home, and we will share our nightly routine of laying on our bed, watching Netflix shows on TV. Right now we are hooked on Glee and Sons of Anarchy. (Oh, but don't tell anyone on my husband's ship that he watches Glee, they're still giving him crap about the time he watched The Notebook with me).

Life is just good right now. It always is, but we have so much to be thankful for at this time, and so much to be happy about.

Growing up, I always wanted a husband who would be my best friend, and I always wanted to be a stay at home mom to my kids. To be able to wake up every day, and live that dream, is so sweet. Sure, there are days that can be messy and sticky and stressful, but I wouldn't want my life any other way. I am blessed beyond measure and so excited for what the future holds for our family.

Bringing Home Baby

I celebrated the 20 week mark of my pregnancy this week. HOLLA! 

I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, and afterward I was sitting in the lobby down by the front door waiting for my family to come pick me up. While I waited, I watched as a number of new parents left the hospital with their brand new babies. It was so fun to watch them as they headed home with their precious, teeny tiny bundles. I could see the looks of fatigue, and joy, and sheer terror on their faces.

I couldn't help but remember when I was in their shoes for the first time.

After I had Binker, we stayed at the hospital for two days, and then there was a delay in the paperwork, so we didn't get discharged from the hospital until around 8pm on a Friday night. I remember it felt so weird to have the usually busy hospital be so empty and quiet. Husband pulled our car right up to the front doors, and we loaded Binker, who was already in his car seat, into the car. Even though it was literally less than a three minute drive from the hospital to our house, I sat in the back with Binker, watching for any sign that something might be wrong.

All I remember is having a pit in my stomach, thinking there had to be some sort of mistake. They were actually letting US take this baby home?! No nurses? No doctors? No intercom to call someone for help when I was confused? I mean, shouldn't I be required to take some sort of course to be qualified as a parent? I was completely clueless when it came to babies, and as happy as I was to get us all home, into our own beds, and settle into life with a newborn, I was Scared. To. Death.

Eventually we found our way through the early trials of parenting, and when Bug was born, we felt much more ready to bring him home. Because of his prematurity, however, he had to stay in the hospital an additional five days. Had he been our first child, I would have gladly stayed at his bedside day and night, but since we had a 10 month old at home, I felt torn to be with both of my babies. After two days in the hospital I returned home to spend an evening with Binker. I will never forget that horrible feeling of walking away from the hospital with empty arms. Even though I knew Bug would be fine and that we would get to bring him home soon, I felt sick leaving him alone, (obviously he had nurses caring for him). I just felt in my bones that it was wrong to leave the labor and delivery department empty-handed. I was never so happy as the day we finally did get to bring our second son home for good.

Now I look forward to bringing home our third baby in approximately 20 weeks, (hopefully we can avoid any premature labor this time around). I can't wait to hold him for the first time, check out his features: does he have hair? Whose ears does he have? What color are his eyes? I can't wait to cover his little face in kisses, and cuddle him constantly. And then, when we get our clean bill of health, to bring him home to join his family of five.

My Three Sons

It's a boy!!


As my father-in-law said, my husband and I are single-handedly ensuring that the family name will be carried on.

Aside from the fact that I am ridiculously outnumbered now, I am thrilled. I was sort of assuming it would be another boy, even though many things about this pregnancy have been different. Now that we know for sure, and are able to start buying things specifically for this baby, and are calling him by name, it makes him seem so much more real, and I am that much more excited to meet this precious little boy.

Mine

I never liked babysitting. 

I hated when people would ask me to babysit. They just assumed that all fourteen year old girls love little kids and babies, and I was too nice to tell them no.

I hated it though. Every minute of it. 

I hated the whiny voices and the messy meals. I hated how all the toys in the house were always sticky and dirty. I wasn't comfortable holding babies. They were so wiggly, and their heads bobbed around unnaturally, and I just knew that I would break them. And when they cried? It was all over. 

I think the little ones could smell my fear.

I didn't want to play with the kids; the idea of hide-and-seek or pretend play was so dull to me. I would simply plug them in front of a movie and then write notes to my friends that I would give to them the next day at school, (sadly for me, there was no texting or Facebook when I was a teenager).

Yeah, I was pretty much an awesome babysitter.

I have just never been crazy about other peoples' kids. 

I didn't melt over their photos, or want to hold their babies. I just had no interest in them, and yet, I always knew I wanted my own kids. I knew that all I wanted in life was to be a stay-at-home mom. And I wanted lots of kids.

When I got pregnant with Jacob, I wasn't scared to be a mom. I was ready. I was excited to have my own baby. I remember when I had my first ultrasound done at 10 weeks, and the doctor printed off the pictures and gave them to me, I had never felt so proud in my whole life. That's my baby, my very own baby, and look at how perfect she is! (I assumed Jacob was going to be a girl until we found out otherwise). 

Nevertheless, when I was leaving the doctor's office and went back out to the waiting room I had to bite my tongue because all I wanted to do was shove my ultrasound pictures in the face of the waiting room attendant and tell her all about how awesome and perfect my baby was.

When I was in labor with Jacob, I remember being in horrible pain, it was the worst I had ever felt in my life. I had my eyes squeezed shut and was just trying to get the process over with. All the sudden my mom said, "Oh my gosh, Kellyn, look!"

I opened my eyes, and Jacob was out, and they were holding him up in front of me and oh my God. 

All that pain instantly went away; I had never seen a more perfect, beautiful sight in my whole life. It was amazing. I just fell in love.

And then they put him in my arms and I melted into him, and it was perfect. It was like he'd always been in my life, and I was so comfortable holding him and caring for him.

While Ryan's birth was a little more complicated because of his prematurity, the same thing happened. It was like he had always been a part of our family and even though I worried over his skinny limbs, I wasn't afraid to hold him or love him.

Now my sons seem so big in my eyes and they make me laugh every day. I love getting on the floor and playing with them and tickling them. I love making them meals that they enjoy. 

I love how Jacob's finger nails are always dirty, and how Ryan always seems to have grape jelly in his hair. I think they are adorable when they have little runny noses, and when they get grass stains on their clothes from playing outside.

I'm so different with my own children, versus the teenage Kellyn who used to babysit. Becoming a parent is truly unlike anything else in this world. There is a bond that no one can replicate. 

When I used to babysit, I would watch the clock and pray the hours would go by fast so I could go home and get away from those loud, messy kids. 

Now I pray that God will make the days go just a little bit slower, and keep my babies from growing up too fast.

See You at the Movies!

After you have kids, a lot of things change. The biggest thing to get used to in the beginning - for me anyway - was remembering to pack all of the baby items I would need while we were out of the house. Bottles, formula, diapers, wipes, change of clothes, pacifiers, blankets, first aid kit, thermometer, teethers, rattles, Tylenol, etc. (This was in the beginning when I carried my diaper bag everywhere, and I really did keep every one of those items with me at all times). Eventually though, I was able to relax a little, and realized I didn't need to bring all of those things along for a 10 minute trip to the grocery store. Today, my diaper bag is somewhere in the laundry room, I have switched back to using my purse, and I just keep a couple extra diapers and wipes in the car. I have definitely relaxed, but things are also a little less stressful when you have toddlers versus a new baby.

Other things change too, when you have kids. Obviously there are limitations on what you can do once a baby comes along. While it is possible to take a baby to a restaurant, it's not as relaxing or enjoyable an experience as it once was. When Richard and I get the courage to take the kids out to a restaurant, we usually end up asking for the check as soon as our food comes, then eating it as fast as we can, trying to finish our meals before the boys lose their patience. Oftentimes we have to get boxes to bring our food home to finish later on. We accept this though, and it's not that big of a deal.

One big change though, that really cannot be compromised with, is movies. Once you have a baby, it's pretty much impossible to go to the movies anymore, unless you have a sitter. I guess you could take a newborn or small baby, but if he or she cries, you know your fellow moviegoers are not going to be patient with that, and if you have to wind up walking out of the movie, then that's $10.00 you just threw away. And once a child is old enough to take to the movies, you know you're not going to be watching any of the movies you actually enjoy - no romantic comedies, no action flisks, none of that. The only movies you will be seeing in theaters are kid-friendly ones, mostly cartoons. Thankfully most Disney and Pixar movies do a decent job of entertaining their adult audiences, but come on, it still doesn't make up for all the other movies you're missing out on. For this reason, it is always a big treat whenever Richard and I get to see a movie. It can be difficult, because sometimes we want to see different movies from one another, so those discussions usually come down to an intense match of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

It has been about three months since we last went to see a movie together, and with all of the awesome summer movies coming out right now, I have been feeling that itch - that need to go to the movie theater. I love walking in, breathing in that scent of buttery, warm, trans-fatty popcorn, then purchasing my ticket, buying an outrageously overpriced soda or some type of treat to enjoy, then heading into the theater. Picking a seat is very important. You don't want to be too close, but you also don't want to be too far back. I love those rare times when you are the only person in the theater. My favorite moment though, is when the lights go dim, and the screen lights up, and the movie is about to start. Even in this age of so many technological advancements, the movie theater is still a magical place to me.

Oh, and I hate when we're running late to a movie, and someone says, "It's okay, we'll only miss the previews." Uhmm, hello?? The previews are, like, the best part!

Anyways, like I said, I have really been feeling the need to go see a movie. If all works out, then I think I may be going to see one tonight. The only problem I am having now is which movie to see? Since I only go every few months, there is a lot of pressure on the movie I pick for it to be worth it. Feel free to send me your suggestions!

Brothers

When I found out we were pregnant with Bug, I just assumed that he would come out looking like an exact copy of Binker, same features, same coloring, same personality. Being so close in age, I couldn't imagine him being anything but a slightly younger version of Binker's twin. So when Bug was born it was a pretty big shock. He looked nothing like Binker, his facial features were entirely different, he had less hair than Binker did at birth, and it was much lighter. Also, Binker has big beautiful brown eyes, and Bug has these amazing blue eyes, (where the heck did those come from??). I have always wondered what color eyes my kids would have. My Mom has brown eyes, but my Dad has hazel, so I knew that if I married a person with light-colored eyes, I stood a 25% chance of having a child with light eyes too, (I learned about all this in 10th grade biology, when we studied genetics for a total of maybe two weeks, so I am clearly an expert). When I married Husband I assumed our kids would have brown eyes, as I had always been told that brown is the dominant gene, but I figured that if any of our kids ended up having light eyes they would either be hazel or green. But blue? That was definitely a surprise. It really makes me wonder, if we ever have another child, what that one will look like.

The differences between the boys don't stop with just their looks though. Bug has posed new challenges to me that I didn't have with Binker. For instance, Bug loves to climb. It seems like every time I turn around he is climbing up onto something new - and it's always something that is hazardous to children. With Binker, I could just block his access to dangerous things and he would move on to something else, but Bug is persistent in his attempts to get around my child-proofing. I guess persistence is a good quality to have, but it keeps me busy!

They are even different when it comes to eating. Binker likes to stay clean while he eats. He takes small bites, and chews his food until it is completely gone before he takes another bite. Once he is full he won't eat anything else, not even favorite items. (I have even seen him turn away M&M's - if I hadn't given birth to him, I would say this kid can't be mine!) Bug on the other hand, LOVES food. I think he has food radar, no matter what he's doing or where he is, he always seems to know when someone else is eating and he comes running out, hoping to get a bite. He shovels food into his mouth in fistfuls, making a huge mess all over his face and hands, and he could care less. Meal time is never really over for Bug, even after he has finished a huge dinner, once he is out of his high chair, he will often wander over to Binker's high chair to sneak food off of it!

Last weekend we took a trip to the beach, and they displayed their vastly different personalities there as well. Binker walked carefully around, inspecting everything thoughtfully. Only a couple times did he actually reach down and touch the sand or water, but each time he would rub his hands together quickly afterward, trying to get the dirt off his palms; he really doesn't like being dirty. Then there is Bug. He practically bathed in the sand! He rolled around in it, covering his clothes, arms, hands, and face with wet sand. He looked as happy as a pig in mud. I think I am still trying to get all the sand out of his hair.

 

"Look, Ma, no dirt!"

 

 

"Mmm, sand is yummy!"

Now that they're both here, I can't imagine having them be exactly the same. I love how different they are, it's what makes they both so special and unique. Yet even though they have many dissimilarities, there are certain awesome qualities that they share. They are both such loving and sweet boys. They are warm and affectionate, and they melt when you hold them; they love to cuddle. And they both give the BEST kisses.

Oh, and for some inexplicable reason, they like to do head-stands.

Binker

Bug