On birthing a 10 pound baby, and other reasons I am done having kids.

             
                 No more kids for me!!

That was the first text I sent after having Boo.

Don't get me wrong. I adore him. The moment I saw him, I fell instantly in love. I kept saying "He's perfect, he's so perfect!"

But.

Between having a nearly-10 pound baby, and receiving a jacked up epidural that only worked on HALF of my body? I can easily say that giving birth to him was the single most painful experience of my life. I told Husband it's a good thing that our first son's birth wasn't that painful or we would have stopped at one kid. 

Obviously Boo was worth all of the pain, but I cringe whenever I think about the experience of having him. And the idea of doing it again is enough to terrify me right into a hysterectomy appointment.

My mom and grandma told me that I am going to jinx myself if I say "no more kids", but from where I stand right now, it would take a miracle for me to change my mind. Plus, as much as I love our new house, I don't know where we would put a fourth kid. I don't even know if I could mentally keep track of four kids.

So, for the time being I am going to love and enjoy the three healthy babies I've got. Whether or not we ever have another child, I will consider myself to be incredibly blessed. Life is so good. These three sweet faces remind me of that every day.

Introducing...

Baby Boo.

 

Born October 30th, at 9:43pm.

 

9 pounds, 13 ounces. 

21 inches long.

Perfect in every way.

Multipurpose.

 

Yes. I can actually use my belly as a table of sorts these days. 35 weeks as of today. I have officially passed the point when Bug was born, (cue huge sigh of relief). 

And, just hours after expressing my relief on Facebook, I began having contractions. Last night they were coming every four minutes over a span of about two hours. I finally decided that if I was able to sleep through them, then it probably meant they weren't a big deal, and, I was able to fall asleep. I have felt them on and off all day, but, no longer close enough together to time.

So, what does this mean?

Well, we're headed in the right direction. But whether it will be five more weeks, or just days until we meet our newest son, I can't tell you for sure. 

In the meantime though, I will continue making use of my built-in shelf while I can.

My Husband Says the Funniest Things at the Most Inappropriate Times

My husband, Richard, is a funny guy. Oftentimes, we will be having a conversation with someone, and they will ask him a question and he will look at me with a confused expression, because at some point a few topics back, he completely zoned out. Or other times, in the middle of a conversation, he will interject with something completely off topic. He has ADHD, so I usually blame it on that. I admit, this used to get on my nerves a bit, but over the years I have become accustomed to it, and I try to watch for signs of him zoning out, so that I can pull him back into the conversation. Or if he throws something way out of left field, I will try to tie it into the original conversation. Other times though, his antics, while funny in hindsight, can be totally inappropriate at the time.

When I was in labor with Jacob, my amniotic fluid was leaking pretty much non-stop all evening, from the time I got checked into the hospital. Labor is an uncomfortable, undignified situation to be in. It's not fun for anyone, least of all the mom who is in labor. Even though I was 9-months pregnant and huge, squeezed into a hospital gown (that could not possibly be intended to fit a pregnant woman), and trying to work my way through early contractions, I still had to go to the bathroom, oh, every 10 minutes or so, you know, because I had an eight-pound baby pushing on my bladder. So a few times an hour I would have to push myself up off the hospital bed, and waddle to the bathroom. OH! And don't forget that I was receiving antibiotics through a vein in my hand, so I had to shuffle to the bathroom, one hand holding onto the antibiotic cart, my other hand holding my gown closed in the back.

Well, with all of this back-and-forth stuff, some of that amniotic fluid inevitably ended up on the floor. Not a lot, but some. So at one point, Richard came over to check the contractions that were being monitored on the computer next to my bed. He was standing right next to me, talking pleasantly, when all of the sudden he looked down. He stepped aside neatly at first, as though he just stepped in a puddle. Then you see him make the connection. His face contorted in disgust and he jumped, "Oh my God! Did I just step in...your...stuff??"

Nice. Like I'm some sort of freak. But he was only getting started!

So a few hours and one epidural later, it was time to push. With Jacob I had to push for an hour. I know that compared to a lot of people, I was pretty lucky, but for me, that hour felt like an eternity. About halfway through, sweat dripping down my face, my dignity LONG gone, and my entire body aching with pain, Richard felt it was necessary to inform everyone that his "stomach really hurt".

Now, please take note: should you ever end up in the same room with me while I am in labor, you will not find the usual quiet, reserved Kellyn. No, 'Hellyn' has no filter. (That's not a typo, it's a combination of my name and Hell, because when I am in labor I basically take on a voice like something straight of The Exorcist). 'Hellyn' says whatever she wants and never apologizes. That being said, here is how I responded to my husband's pain: "YOU'RE stomach hurts?? My whole freaking body hurts! Remember? Having a baby here! I don't want to hear it!"

Yeah, even I'm scared of 'Hellyn'.

You would think that that would have been enough to shut him up for a while, but no. Only about a half hour later, Jacob was thisclose to making his entrance into the world, the nurses had just gone to get the Doctor. (For the record, I just want to say that nurses ROCK! They do all the hard, dirty work, and then the doctor shows up for the last 30 seconds of the show).

Don't get the wrong idea though, we weren't all just relaxing, waiting on the Doctor to appear. I was completely exhausted and on edge, and in the worst pain of my LIFE. Jacob was, to put it nicely, kind of halfway in the world...and halfway not. I was praying that the Doctor was only seconds away, and that was the moment that Richard decided to say, "Hang on a minute - I have to use the bathroom!"

"WHAT!!?" I screamed, "You are not going to the bathroom! I am about to have this baby and I am not waiting any longer than I have to!"

I don't think he used the bathroom for, like, two whole days after that.

Well, 'Hellyn' made a reappearance only 10 months and 10 days later. When I was in labor with Ryan, I had a regular Labor and Delivery nurse, as well as one who was in training. She seemed very timid and quiet, but nice. The first 10 and a half hours progressed uneventfully. Then when it came time to push, my regular nurse took hold of my right leg, and the nurse-in-training went to hold my left leg at the exact moment Richard went to hold it.

Timid nurse: "Oh, oh, it's okay - you take her leg."

Richard: "No, it's fine, you can take it."

Timid Nurse: "No really, you can have it."

Richard: "I don't mind, you can hold it - "

'Hellyn': "Oh my GOD! Someone just take my leg already!"

Richard ended up holding it, and I just hope I didn't scare that poor girl away from the nursing field forever.

Of course, looking back now, these stories make me laugh. When I'm missing Richard the most, one of my favorite things to do is remember fun times we have had together. Though I wouldn't have been so quick to admit it at the time, I am grateful for the funny moments that he added into our sons' birth stories; they wouldn't be the same without them.

And I am super grateful that my husband continues to love me, even though he has witnessed the evil that is 'Hellyn'!