Oh, sorry. I don't mean to talk while my mouth is full.
I was just eating my words.
A big heaping bowl of my words.
You see, I used to say that I thought a lot of the problems associated with the 'terrible twos' were related to how the parents approached this stage in a child's life. I assumed that if the parent was an overly dramatic individual and didn't understand the reasoning behind why toddlers act the way they do, then those parents would freak out over every little thing, when really, age two is such a fun time!
Oh, hold on, gotta eat some more of my words here.
Yeah, we've been struggling lately. We are in the thick of this two year tug of war, Jacob and me. Every night after I put the boys to bed I just collapse on the couch, completely spent after yet another day of Jacob hitting, and throwing, and crying, and screaming, and pushing, and whining, and tantrum-ing. It is exhausting. It seems as though we have really reached a high point in this past week.
It's frustrating for me, it's frustrating for him. I wish that Richard were here to help. Sure, he'd probably be about as clueless in this field as I am, but we could be clueless together. And then when I am feeling totally drained, I could at least say, "Tag, you're it!" then run and hide in the bathroom for half an hour and just breathe in some silence, while he dealt with the two year old alien that has decided to inhabit our home. I feel like calling some customer service number and complaining that my baby is defective - my once sweet, gentle infant has turned into an unpredictable time bomb. Sometimes I feel like I am walking through a field of mines, except in this scenario, the mines are tantrums. Sigh.
Today has been another difficult one. While I realize that with some better planning on my part we could have avoided some of our issues, I still feel absolutely depleted. Jacob had been crying for so long that he was gasping for air, Ryan had started whimpering, and so I decided there was nothing else to do but join in. And we all cried. Now my eyes itch and my head hurts and I could really use an adult beverage, but that will just have to wait a couple more months until I've got a backup parent on duty.
Just when I get to thinking that I am on my last nerve and I start wondering if there is a time limit on returning children, (I could have sworn I saved that receipt...), Jacob goes and does this:
Awwww my sweet, precious angel! That smile is heavenly, who couldn't love that little face? I don't know why people complain about this age, it is so much fun! The twos are terrific!
Today I am introducing a brand-spankin'-new concept on my little blog here. Flash Back Fridays! It's like my own version of going to watch a black and white movie on a Friday night...except that instead, I will be posting vintage stuff on here every Friday. This may include old writings of mine - diary entries/school papers, old photos, or even some old videos if I can get my hands on them. I just thought it would be a new, fun thing to try! Hope you all enjoy it.
So, to start us off, here are some vintage diary entries of mine:
July 4th, 1999
Hi again...Tonight I spent with my parents and brother watching the firework shows all around Edmonds and such. It was pretty cool...I love spending time with my family. We always have such a great time, and we sure do laugh a lot. I think my family is just so great, I only pray that someday I will have my own family that is as great and loving as the family I have now...Sometimes I worry myself. I think about the future so much, and I'm afraid I am trying to grow up too fast, and someday I'll look back and wonder where all the years went, and why they are so blurry in my memory. Sometimes, every so often, I just get the most wonderful feeling, and I realize how precious and short and GREAT life is. I only wish I could always feel like that, cause I truly appreciate life more in those few minutes than in any other time...
July 23rd, 1999
I sometimes think I'm dyslexic. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have switched letters in words. I don't know...Maybe I don't have a clue what I'm talking about, and I just mess up on words sometimes. I mean, that's normal, right? Oh well! Right now Backstreet Boys is on the radio with their song "I Want it that Way". I tell you, as long as I live, I will NEVER understand what that song is talking about....Oh, you know what? Today I drank a teaspoon of Habanero sauce. EWWW!! Sick! It burned my mouth for probably 15 minutes after, even though I drank a ton of milk and even some ice cream. I HATE IT! I put it in my mouth and it started to burn and I just started running around the house SCREAMING while my "loving" family laughed hysterically.
August 27th, 1999
Hey!! So school starts in a little over a week. I personally can't wait! Oh, on a good note: I passed driver's ed! I'm sleeping in the family room tonight cause I was just laying in bed and I swear I saw a spider crawling toward me. Tim is out here watching TV, and he says I am being crazy, but I know what I saw!...Guess what? Tim left the front door WIDE open for like over an hour and now I'm like freaked that there is a psychopath in our house. Lalala...So, like is great. I'm serious. Lately I've been feeling SO wonderful. I've never felt this terrific!! Everything is just great!
-KellynSadly, these were among the most entertaining of my entries. As you can tell, I had some seriously exciting things going on in my life. Oh, and in that last entry, I can't tell if I was on something or suffering from undiagnosed ADHD. Holy smokes.
Anyways, this was just a taste of what I've got in mind for this segment. Hopefully Flash Back Fridays will get more exciting as we go along!
Well, I have made it home. Now that I am back, safe and sound, and none of my planes crashed I am so happy that I went to the Killer Nashville conference. I had the most amazing time! I learned so much in those three days, took nearly 20 pages of notes and got invaluable advice.
The last time I blogged about the trip was Friday night, when I couldn't sleep. I don't think I actually ended up going to bed until 1:30am, and I tossed and turned all night. When my alarm went off at 7am Saturday morning I could barely open my eyes. I considered skipping the first class of the day to sneak in a couple more hours of sleep, but in the end, I didn't want to risk missing important information.
I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and headed into the elevator. A few floors down, a woman got on with me, and we struck up a conversation. Her name was Deborah Shlian, and she has published five or six novels. She was incredibly nice, and we ended up getting coffee together and talking for about half an hour. She was so friendly and gave me some tips on getting published. I ended up buying one of her books and she signed it for me. I couldn't believe my luck, and was so thankful that I hadn't decided to sleep in! You never know what you might miss out on.
To Kellyn: Future writer. Wonderful to meet you!
Deborah Shlian
He was such a nice, accomodating guy, he signed books for everyone who asked, even staying much later than his handler wanted him to. He never seemed impatient or too good. That was actually one thing that pleasantly surprised me. There were many authors at the conference, and they were all so kind and open to talking to anyone who was looking for advice. For some reason, I assumed the published authors wouldn't want to mingle with aspiring authors like myself, but there were no egos to be found.
That evening, I got the chance to explore the town of Franklin, Tennessee. I met a girl, Rachel, who actually grew up in the Seattle area, but moved to Franklin with her mom two years ago. She was so sweet, and we had many things in common. She was kind enough to drive me downtown Saturday night. I got to take pictures of the cute, historic buildings that line the road. My pictures simply cannot do the town justice. It was absolutely adorable. I also got to shop at What's In Store, a small boutique where a lot of Nashville stars - Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, Jessica Simpson, etc. - shop. That was the only shop I got to go in though, because apparently things close quite early in the south...like as early as 5pm...on a Saturday!
So after walking up and down the street, we had dinner at a pizza restaurant, and then got to tour some more. The next stop was to the two town cemeteries, which are right across the street from one another. Unfortunately I didn't have my good camera with me, and since it was already dark out, my pictures are not the best, but you can imagine how creepy it was. We were standing on a pitch black street in front of these centuries-old cemeteries, while a thunder and lightning storm was going on. It was almost like reading a mystery novel, I couldn't write this stuff! It was creepy, but very cool at the same time.
After the cemeteries we drove out to the Carnton Plantation, which was the site of one of the biggest battles in the Civil War, where in the span of four hours one evening, over 1,700 Confederate soldiers lost their lives. The home was turned into a make-shift hospital. Apparently blood stains can still be seen on the floors of the bedrooms, where the injured and dead were laid. The owners of the Carnton Plantation, at the time, allotted part of their property to be used for a cemetery. It is the largest private military cemetery in the country. I took some pictures of it, but unfortunately because of the lighting, none of them turned out. It was another eerie experience. I love history, and being in a place where so many lost their lives, there are no words.
Sunday was our last day of classes. By 2pm, the conference was over. I spent the afternoon and evening relaxing at the hotel, enjoying my final few hours of not having to change diapers or make meals. While the conference was a blast, those four days away from my boys were about as much as I could handle.
The only blip in my trip happened Sunday night as I was packing my bags. I got a call from my mom that my dad was at the hospital, and most likely was going to have his appendix taken out. I felt bad that I couldn't be there for them, and that my mom couldn't immediately go be with my dad, since she was babysitting the boys. Thankfully her friend Laurie was able to come sit with them after they went to bed, and my mom got to be at my dad's side. I was in constant contact with my mom, as well as my in-laws, who were so sweet and wanted to check on the status of my dad's condition. Turns out it wasn't his appendix, but actually diverticulitis. He has been taking antibiotics and getting great medical treatment, and is on the road to recovery. The best news is that he got to go home last night!
It has been comforting for me to get home, be with my boys, and know that my dad is getting better. While writing is my passion, and something I hope to continue with and improve at, this trip showed me that family truly is the most important thing in my life, and I am blessed to not only have a wonderful husband and two great sons, but also an awesome extended family of Millers and MacQuarries. I am one lucky girl.
I have this thing about hot air balloons. I love them, always have.
When I was little, younger than two years old, we lived in Redmond, Wa., and hot air balloons used to fly over our house all the time in the evening. I don't remember this at all, of course, but my mom says that anytime one would fly over, I would hear it - the hot air being blown into the balloon, and I would stand up in my crib and start yelling "Hot air 'boon! Hot air 'boon!" (Or something along those lines).
Sometimes they would get me out of bed and the four of us, my mom, dad, brother Tim, and me would all sit out on the front porch and watch them fly overhead. Their huge, brilliant colors floating through the sky were hypnotizing to me, and still are.
I went to college in Billings, Mt., and once every year there would be a festival where dozens of hot air balloons would fly over the town. I could sit and watch them for hours, it was beautiful. It filled me with wonder.
I have never been in a hot air balloon, and strangely enough, I don't really have a desire. I think that would take some of the fun out of it. The joy, for me, is in watching these giant, colorful balloons set against the horizon. It's fun, and brings me back to my childhood when I see them now.
My last evening in Tennessee, I wanted to have a final look outside my 11th floor window; I wanted to take in the scenery one last time, since I knew it would be dark when I left the next morning. I pulled back the curtains, and saw this:
And is that cloud not totally awesome??
I apologize for the poor quality. I didn't have my good camera with me, and I was shooting through a window, but you get the idea. I was pretty stoked when I saw the view, it was a nice ending to a wonderful weekend.
Hey, ya'll! I have arrived in Tennessee, and am officially done with Day One of classes. Things are going great, I have to say. The only thing bringing me down, (aside from having serious separation anxiety from my babies), is the fact that my body clock is all out of whack. Ohhh, how I long for the days of youth when jet lag did not affect me. Sigh.
However, while my body screams for blessed sleep, my brain will not comply, so I decided to give you all a quick update on my adventures out here.
EAT
My trip got off to a pleasant start. Big thanks to my Dad's work for flying him out to Virginia pretty much every week this summer! Because of those trips, he racked up quite a few miles on Continental that he didn't think he would get around to using - and he was kind of enough to give them to me! And, even better, he had enough to book me in a First Class seat! Yes. A. MAZ. ING. The only thing I could think about though, was how nice it would be to have First Class seats when traveling with my children - oh, the leg room! And the arm room! So much space! I hardly knew what to do with myself. So I celebrated with a complimentary margarita, obviously.
We landed in Houston for a short layover. It was approximately dinner time, so I headed to the food court to find something to eat. As I mentioned a few days ago, I have a fear of airplane bathrooms. I avoid them at all costs. Seriously. Whenever I travel I usually arrive at my destination positively dehydrated, because I won't drink an ounce of a beverage out of fear that I will need to use the lavatory. So I go to the food court, planning on finding something that will fill me up, but won't be too rich, in order to avoid any unwanted tummy/bathroom issues on my next flight, (you all know what I'm talking about here). These were my food options:
Donuts
Ice Cream
BBQ Sandwiches
Something huge and greasy that looked like a pulled pork sandwich
McDonald's
I must be in the south!
Thankfully, one of the restaurants had a plain green salad with a plain chicken breast. While not exciting, I did not have to contend with any unpleasant bodily issues on the following flight, which was good because...
PRAY
I did not have First Class on the second flight, because there was no First Class section. I was on one of the smallest planes I have ever ridden on. As soon as I stepped onto the plane, I felt my heart start racing. Small enclosed space...recirculated air...nighttime flying...thunderstorms in the forecast for this evening...It was all too much! As soon as I got strapped into my seat I just started praying. And praying. And praying some more. And when, just seconds after take-off, we made a sharp right turn, and the plane was shaking, and I just knew we were going to plummet to the ground, I prayed some more. Thankfully, I was so exhausted from the day at that point, that I pretty much passed out for the remainder of the flight.
MURDER
The Killer Nashville Murder Mystery Writer's Conference started today. I can't believe it's only been one day, I feel like I have learned so much already. I took classes on how to write engaging and purposeful dialogue, how to pace a novel, and how to become a best-selling author. Since it is a murder mystery conference though, I sprinkled in some 'for-fun' classes, such as how cop TV shows are terribly inaccurate, as well as a fascinating class about a cold-case murder that remains unsolved.
Throughout the day, I had the pleasure of making new friends, talking with people who, like me, hope to be published one day, as well as talking with a few who already have been published - and had some great advice to offer.
I know that I will come home from this conference feeling inspired, in fact, I have already begun working on a new novel idea, and even have another one floating around in my head. I am so glad that I ended up coming out here, it has all been worth it.
It's weird how memories can suddenly pop into your head, seemingly out of nowhere.
I remember being on bed rest with Ryan, and having to go in to be checked out by my doctor, to make sure that labor had slowed down, and that hopefully Ryan would keep cooking for a few more days, if not weeks. Richard wouldn't be home for a couple more days, so my mom was going to drive Jacob and me to Everett for the appointment.
When you're pregnant, you get weighed every time you go to the doctor's office. I know, how cruel, right? Like it's not bad enough that you gain thirty pounds, but they want to remind you every time you're there. They lure you in with fun things, like ultrasounds and getting to hear the baby's heartbeat - Ah! But not so fast, my dear. First, you must step upon the evil scale, whose number gets bigger with each visit.
Because of this, I have my obstetrician visits down to a science. I always book them first thing in the morning, I wear the lightest outfit possible, which is usually a light summer dress (this outfit is seriously inconvenient in the winter months), and I don't eat or drink anything until the appointment is over. As you can imagine, by the time I get out of the doctor's office I am pretty much famished. In fact, the further I get into my pregnancies, the worse it is. Near the end, I have to start bringing a granola bar or some small snack that I can shove down my mouth just as soon as the weigh-in is over...and I do my best to ignore the strange looks I get from the nurse.
Anyways, so my mom was taking me to this doctor's appointment. As we were walking out the door I decided to grab a muffin from my freezer. Yes, I keep muffins in my freezer, they last longer that way. These were actually a unique kind of muffin, individually wrapped in clear plastic, and they are called "Vita Tops", because they are just the top part of a muffin and therefore, kind of flat. So I didn't really look, I just grabbed the muffin top that appeared to be the banana bread flavor.
I tried to schedule my doctor's visit early, but it ended up being like a 10am appointment, and since I had been awake since 7:30, I was pretty hungry by the time I finished. I raced out to the hallway, and as I waited for the elevator to arrive, I pulled out the muffin, tore open the plastic wrapper and took an enormous bite.
Hm.
Something...about this muffin...seems....off.
I pulled my hand back for a closer look. Turns out, in my haste, I hadn't grabbed the banana bread Vita Top. Instead, I had grabbed an individually wrapped frozen breaded chicken patty! YUM!
Or not. And while it had somewhat thawed, it was still pretty frozen in the middle. Oh, and it tasted nothing like a banana bread muffin. Oh, and it was absolutely disgusting.
Banana Nut Vita Top
Average frozen, breaded chicken patty.
In hindsight, maybe I should have embraced the silver lining in this situation, and gone back to have the nurse re-weigh me after my little muffin mix-up.
Awwww my sweet, precious angel! That smile is heavenly, who couldn't love that little face? I don't know why people complain about this age, it is so much fun! The twos are terrific!
