A Big Problem

I have a big head. Like, freakishly.

I've always tried to participate in the latest fashions - tall boots, peasant tops (conveniently came into style during my first pregnancy), pea coats, you name it. I even remember a time when I was in high school, and bra strap headbands were in. But I didn't have a job and therefore I had no money to buy one, so I cut the strap off of one of my bras, safety pinned it together and wore it as a headband so I could be in style.

Yes, I actually wore an actual bra strap around my head. Cringe.

But one fashion statement I've never been able to enjoy is the Hat. It doesn't matter what style - wide brimmed, page boy, cowboy - I can't wear them because my head is too big. I don't know why, I'm definitely not intelligent enough to claim a large brain. My cranium is just obnoxiously big. And I know it is larger than average because all the hats in the stores have the same obnoxious tag on them: ONE SIZE. One size?! I am tired of this one size BS because their one size doesn't even come close to fitting my head.

On Sunday, I was enjoying a couple hours alone at Target when I saw their hat section. Beautiful, vintage-inspired hats in different colors with unique detailing. I couldn't help myself, I had to try them on. I chose three to try, and these were the results, (by the way, taking pictures of yourself at Target? Super awkward).

My head is so huge the hats sit on top of it! I look like a hat rack. Even the owl stocking cap, which was made of stretchy cotton, wouldn't stay down for more than two seconds.

It made me think of this lovely orange cashmere hat I have at home. I bought it years ago in New York. It was too pretty and soft to pass up, but it's never fit quite the way it should. And yet I keep it around the way someone might hold onto that pair of skinny jeans that they swear they're gonna fit into again one day when they slim down enough. Only, no amount of slimming down will get my freakishly large skull into that hat.

Discouraged, I turned to the trusty headband section. Sure, they always give me a killer headache, but at least they conform pretty well to the size of my head. In the end I picked out a dainty band with black and green feathers on it. After all, feathers are really in right now.

I'm sure that one day in like five years I will look back and wonder why the hell I went out in public with feathers in my hair, but for now I'm going to embrace it.

Besides, someone told me that added detail can be slimming, and my head needs all the help it can get.