Everybody Was Kung Fu Kissing

A little background, first:

While on deployment, Richard would kill time by practicing Jujitsu, (which, according to Google can also be spelled no less than a thousand other ways, so if you were going to correct me on the spelling, don't bother. I just picked the one I liked best). Anyways, he got really into this form of martial arts. Every time he would email me he'd tell me about the latest move he learned or how he totally almost made a guy pass out that day.

So there we were on Friday night. We'd had a long, busy day and I was cuddled up in our comfy bed, with my soft fleece pajamas on, eating from my bowl of ice cream and watching a movie.

*    *    *    *    *

Kellyn! Come over here for a second, I want to show you some of my Jujitsu moves.

No thanks.

No, come on Kellyn, it will only take a minute.

I'm good.

Seriously, you need to learn this stuff, it is good for self defense. It will help you in case anyone ever tries to attack you.

Actually I have a better plan, I will just stay away from walking down dark alleys at three in the morning, and sleep with Captain Kirk next to the bed.

Noooo, Kellyn please come here? I really want to teach you this.

(Sigh) Fine.

Awesome! Ok, so you lay down on the ground and I will get on top of you like I am going to attack you.

Don't hurt me, I bruise easy.

I'm not actually going to attack you. All right, now you need to wrap your arms around my head like this...

Wow, our carpet is filthy! I gotta remember to vacuum in here tomorrow.

Kellyn! Focus! Now wrap your legs around my back and lock your ankles together.

This is boring.

Look, this is really easy, just pay attention okay? This is important stuff you need to know. Now interlock your fingers and put your arms around my neck.

Like this?

No, no! You're not doing it right, lock your fingers together really tight so I can't break through.

Don't yell at me!

I'm not yelling - Ughh - Okay, let's switch positions so I can show you what I mean. I will lay down and you get on top of me like you're going to attack me.

Fine.

Okay, now pretend like you're going to punch me and I will stop you. (Richard does some of his Jujitsu magic).

I can't move.

Exactly! See what I'm doing? Now do you get what I was trying to show you? You need to have your hands locked together really tight so they can't be pulled apart.

(I lean my face toward Richard's and give him an Eskimo Kiss).

What are you doing.

Eskimo Kisses! (I do it again).

Dah! Stop that! You need to pay attention.

Is this what you guys did on the ship? When you pinned one another down would you Eskimo Kiss?

No. That would make us gay.

Well, no offense, but it seems to me that a bunch of grown men pinning each other down and straddling one another is a little gay.

Okay, you ruined it. Never mind.

*    *    *    *    *

And that was the end of my self-defense lesson. 

Except that now I am super paranoid that I AM going to be attacked and I will be kicking myself for not paying more attention. But at this point I don't think Mr. "I Hate Eskimo Kisses" is willing to teach me again. 

Good thing there is always Captain Kirk to protect me.