Faith

I got a message on Facebook the other day from a friend's ex-boyfriend. He was writing to ask about my friend, but I guess he had been looking at my profile, and he saw what my religious beliefs are, and he started his message like this:

"WOW! I had no idea you are Christian, that's cool. I like Jesus too..." And then he continued with his message.

I thought that was a weird thing to say, and I responded by telling him that, yes, I am a Christian, and have been my whole life. Rather than just moving on, he responded with:

"No, seriously, I had no idea that you were a Christian. I guess we never really talked very much though, and all I knew about you was from what my ex-girlfriend told me about you."

So at that point I was feeling pretty offended. No, seriously, I had no idea you were a Christian?? The way he wrote it was almost like a kick in the gut. I started thinking, well what exactly did I do that made him think I wasn't a Christian? And all he knew about me was from what his ex, (my so-called friend), told him, so what exactly was SHE saying about me? 

I have made many mistakes in my life, I know that I am far from perfect. Regardless, it got me thinking about my actions in public, and how strangers or even just acquaintances perceive me. If everyone I knew were given a pop quiz on me today, would they think I am a Christian?

I will be the first to admit that my relationship with Christ is a very private one. I hate praying in front of people. I am comfortable doing it in front of my children and with Richard, but that's about it. With anyone else, I get very self-conscious. Rather than being able to focus on the prayer I am saying, I get busy thinking about which words to use/not talking too fast/not talking too slow/not being too quiet/not switching words/not thinking of two words at the same time and combining them on accident to make a nonsensical word/not breathing weird, and a million other things. I mean, these are the thoughts that fill my head when I have to pray in public, so, yeah, it really doesn't work for me.

And I know there are many people who are comfortable going around, sharing their faith with anyone they meet. They can be charismatic and at ease while doing so, and it doesn't come across as obnoxious, arrogant, or self-righteous. I just don't think I could be like that. My unease would show through and I wouldn't seem genuine.

My faith helps me in many ways, and is my source of strength in times of struggle. Knowing that God is in charge and has a plan for our life, is something I cling to desperately during the times when Richard is gone.

I have come to find that believing in God is super helpful as a parent also. Because of my faith, I realized that I have a killer response for my boys when they get to the age where they ask never-ending questions:

"Mommy, why is the sky blue?"

"Because God made it that way."

"Mommy, why do I have 10 fingers?"

"Because God made us that way."

"Mommy, where do babies come from?"

"Because God-...er, uh...Well, God made Daddies, so you should go ask your Dad that question."

I mean, it's like 99% reliable. 

I don't know what Atheist parents do, they probably spend their entire day having to look things up in books, and get stats and facts to support their reasoning. They probably don't have any free time whatsoever. Yet another reason to be a Christian!

Seriously though, my faith in Christ is very important to me; it is the most important thing in my life. While I strive to be a good child of Christ, I fail at it every day. I am often disappointed in myself, and I never feel worthy of the salvation He has given me. And yet, I know I have it. I hope that while I may not be as forthcoming in speaking about my faith, that my actions and words on this blog will align with the life that God wants me to live.