Mama in the Moon

Monday, April 30, 2012

SIX Months Old!

It's hard to believe Boo has been with us for half of a year. He is so much fun, and such a sweet, happy baby. We fall more in love with him every day. His latest tricks include sitting up by himself, and being thisclose to crawling. I am going to be in trouble soon!

3 days old

1 month old

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

6 months old

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Binker Turns 4!

Four years ago, I became a mommy. My beautiful, brown-eyed boy, with that head full of soft, dark hair, came into my life at 4:07am on Thursday, April 24, 2008. He was sweet, and cuddly, and perfect. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing as a mom, but we figured it out together. He has been such a fun boy, and has brought me so many joys and lots of laughter.

His diagnosis of autism has brought some challenges, and a bit of heartache, but he is still my beautiful boy, with that twinkle in his eye. And I love that he is teaching me to see the world a little differently.

He had an awesome fourth birthday. He was so excited from the moment he woke up, and the day was filled with fun and celebration. He even got a birthday crown, sticker, treats, and was sung to at preschool. After school, we had a birthday lunch, birthday cake, presents, piñata, and then play time at Chuck E. Cheese. Here are some photos from the fun day.

My big four year old

Gluten free/dairy free birthday cake, amazing right?!

Piñata!

Bug, Binker, and Boo

Yummy, cake!

Opening his birthday present from cousin, MJ

Mama with her sweet boy

Chuck E. Cheese!

For fun, I went back and looked through birthday photos from previous years of Binker. One interesting thing I noticed was that on his second and third birthday I really didn't have any photos of him smiling or even looking at the camera, this year I had a ton. It just reminded me of how much progress he has made. Love my big boy, and can't wait to see what this year brings for him!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

This is how I'm feeling tonight.

When your child is born, you can't help but have all kinds of dreams and wishes for them. You wonder things like, will your child be into sports or music? What college will he go to? What will his wife be like?

After autism becomes a part of your life, those questions change drastically.

Forget college, will my child even be able to be in a mainstream classroom? Will he be able to make friends? Will he ever get married?

I took Binker to a birthday party today for a little boy in his class. This boy has not been diagnosed with autism yet, but it seems a lot of the signs are there, and his parents are suspecting it. He and Binker seemed to have a lot of similar characteristics. I can't stop thinking about that little boy, or his family, or my Binker. I can't stop thinking about all of the children and families affected by autism.

When I was young I wasn't allowed to use the phrase "It's not fair". My parents taught me early on that life isn't fair, and I don't care for that saying even now as an adult. But tonight, that's the only thing that keeps going through my mind.

Life isn't fair. Autism isn't fair.

These beautiful children are born into this world, and they deserve every chance and opportunity as anyone else. Yet this disorder interrupts their lives; changes everything. Why? WHY? What is causing this epidemic?

I feel like so many wonderful things are tainted for me now. Tonight as I sat at our kitchen table having a conversation with Bug, I was enjoying the things that he had to say, and thinking how fun it is that each day I am able to really talk with him more and more. And then this thought crept into my mind: How much would I be able to talk with Binker, if he weren't on the spectrum? What kinds of things would he want to talk about? What interests would he have, and what things would he have to say about the world?

And sometimes when I am playing with Boo, and enjoying his easy smile, I can't help but think back. Did Binker smile this much? Were there signs this early on that I missed? Why didn't I notice something before last year? I kick myself all the time for not getting him into services sooner; if only I'd known.

Earlier this week I was celebrating Binker's progress in speech therapy; it's true, he has come miles from where he was a year ago, and I hope and pray his speed of progress will continue. But tonight I am sad, and just trying so hard to understand why all of these sweet, wonderful children must struggle with ASD. It just isn't fair.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Five Months Old

Baby Boo turns five months old today. I can't believe how quickly the time is passing. He is such a sweet little love, always so happy, and easy-going. In the past few weeks he has come to love his Jumperoo, and adores sitting in his Bumbo Seat or high chair and watching his older brothers. Everything makes him smile, and he is easy to laugh. His hair has really grown, and I love the way I can spike it up in front. He has the sweetest disposition, and we just can't even imagine our lives without our precious third son.

3 Days old

1 month old

2 months old

3 months old

4 months old

5 months old

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Something to Celebrate

Binker has been feverish and lethargic all week. He just wasn't getting any better, so last night my mom and I took him to the walk-in clinic in town. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate taking Binker to the doctor's office; I try to avoid it at ALL costs.

When you have a child with autism, you quickly learn the places and situations that can be upsetting for them, whether it causes anxiety, or, for some, can cause a sensory overload. Thankfully, Binker doesn't have a lot of sensory issues, and things such as trips to the grocery store, or loud, crowded, brightly-lit places are a non-issue for him. However, Binker has the most amazing memory, and when he has a bad experience someplace, he never forgets. This can pose a problem when we have to make repeat trips back to said place.

And, the doctor's office happens to be a place that causes major anxiety for him.

I blame his former pediatrician. Binker was never comfortable being poked and prodded, especially when sick, and I found the doctor to be impatient and irritated, he just didn't seem best suited as a pediatrician. Kids pick up on those kinds of things, too. They can tell when someone isn't being kind or patient with them. Worst of all, this doctor made Binker's ears bleed on two SEPARATE visits, while poking in his ears. Seriously? Maybe someone needs to go back to medical school. I just don't see how you repeatedly do this, and then still get mad when your patient (who is a toddler), starts screaming. So, after those visits, Binker, with good reason, was pretty much over the whole doctor thing.

The last straw for me was when this doctor first brought up the subject of autism with us, by holding up a questionnaire I had filled out about our son, and he had written a huge "FAIL" at the top in purple marker. I felt he showed no empathy or compassion. And I was done.

At the suggestion of a friend of mine, we changed to Dr. B, who is nearly an hour south of where we live. She has been an MD for about 25 years, but she took a decade off to study naturopathy. This makes her special, because she believes that dietary changes and supplements can have a positive effect on autism - which makes her incredibly rare among doctors today. Many doctors think parents who put their kids on the "autism diet" are literally crazy; our former pediatrician was of this thought process as well, (another reason I was happy to be rid of him). During Binker's first appointment with Dr. B she allotted us double the time of a normal appointment, without me even asking for it. She was incredibly kind and gentle with Binker. She was very understanding with me as a parent dealing with autism, and she answered all of my questions, and gave me suggestions of things we could do that had worked positively in some other children with autism.

After sticking to a special diet and adding in supplements for four months, we went back for a check up with Dr. B. I was excited to tell her about how well Binker was doing, and all of the positive changes I had seen in him. She was thrilled for our family, and, best of all, Binker did awesome at the appointment. He sat patiently in his chair, let the doctor listen to his heart and lungs and look in his ears, and he even smiled for her a few times. It was clear that the doctor's office was no longer a frightening, anxiety-inducing place for him. In fact, for an entire week after that appointment, Binker kept saying, "I like Dr. B!"

Nowadays, taking him to the doctor is nowhere near as overwhelming as it used to be. Binker even gets upset when I take Bug or Boo to the doctor and he doesn't get to go!

So back to this week. I knew something was wrong when I couldn't get Binker's fever to subside, so we took him to the walk in clinic last night. I was a little nervous because he wasn't going to be seeing Dr. B, and, the walk in clinic we went to is where his old pediatrician works, so I was afraid, with his memory, that he might think he was going to see the old guy.

To my surprise, Binker waited patently in the waiting room, looking at the fish tank and just walking around checking things out. When it was our turn, he got a little anxious, but I gave him a musical toy to play with in the exam room, and that was a great distraction. When the on-call doctor came in, I almost prefaced the appointment by telling her he has autism, but I decided to keep my mouth shut, and just see how things went. I figured that if Binker wasn't cooperative with her then I could explain why.

I didn't need to.

Binker let her listen to his chest, and look in his ears (and diagnose his ear infection), without much problem at all. Afterward she let him pick out a sticker, he chose a green dinosaur. I felt elated as we walked out of the doctor's office. This is a huge step for him, just one of many that he has made. He has come such a long way in overcoming his doctor anxiety, and I am so proud of him.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Bug is THREE!

It's official: I have two 3-year olds. For the next 51 days at least.

My sweet blue-eyed middle son is now three. When did that happen?! Bug, for his part, was ecstatic about his birthday this year. He ate up the attention, the balloons, the birthday cake, the partying, and, of course, the presents.