Most of my jobs have been in customer service. I've been a waitress, and worked in several different retail venues. The most trying job I ever had though, was working as a customer service representative over the phone, for a bank. It was truly shocking, the things that were said to me during my time there. People can be so cruel and brazen when they don't have to look you in the eyes.
In my two short months at that company, I was screamed at and cussed out on a daily basis. I was called stupid and retarded; belittled and degraded. One particularly crazy man even told me that he wished my parents would die. It was astounding. I really lost a lot of belief in humanity during that time. I was terrified to answer each new call, unsure of who would be on the other end, most certainly just chomping at the bit to yell at me about something. What was most surprising was that typically, the customer would be mad because he or she had made a mistake with their own money, yet they would take that anger out on me.
One day, I broke. Tired of the stomach knots, the headaches, the replaying of the cruel words in my head, I was physically unable to even bring myself to answer the phone at work. I went to my manager and told him I was quitting. Immediately.
He was a nice guy, and he begged me to stay on just two more weeks, so that he would be able to say I gave proper notice and could give me a recommendation for my next job. He even told me to just take the day off, and clear my head. No chance. I left a few minutes later, never to return. Job recommendation or not, I had never felt such a relief. Even though I had bills to pay, and no idea where I was going to get money for the next few weeks, I had never been happier.
Because of that job, I always try to be friendly and patient when I call a customer service department. For all I know, the person answering just got off the phone with one of those horrible, angry individuals; it's exhausting. I hope that by showing kindness in my voice, I can bring some small light to their day. I know that I always appreciated the nice callers I got, however few and far between they were.
I do get frustrated sometimes though. No matter what, I always did my job the best I could, and when someone I am talking to is unfriendly and not helpful whatsoever, I just don't understand it. Maybe they have become that way out of necessity to protect themselves from the mean callers, but it is so annoying. For the past couple of months I have been dealing with an issue between my doctor's office and our insurance company. Doctor keeps sending me a bill, which the insurance company says we are not required to pay. Last month I felt like a ping pong ball between the two companies, as they sent me back and forth, calling each one multiple times, trying to solve the issue. I thought it was resolved, but here we are this month, dealing with it yet again. And once more, I was caught in a ping pong match.
To their credit, our insurance company has been very helpful and accommodating. The business office for our doctor though - no matter who I get on the other end of the line - always seem to be annoyed, like I am interrupting a super important game of Solitaire or something. I am a pretty shy person, so I usually feel intimidated by their attitude, and allow them to end the call quickly, sending me on another wild goose chase.
Today it just got to me however, and when the girl told me I would need to call our insurance company back for the fourth time, I stopped her. I told her that the insurance company had asked that she contact them to solve the issue. And you know what? It worked. At least, I hope so. I swear, if we get another bill next month for this same thing I might turn into one of those crazy nut jobs I used to deal with.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Escape
Some days, missing Richard feels like too much. The ache is so overwhelming, and the only person who could truly make it disappear is thousands of miles away. On days like this, I feel like I am suffocating in my loneliness and have to get away. Everything in our house is a reminder of him, and every time I see the front door I remember that he is not going to walk through it tonight, or tomorrow night, or even a week or a month from tonight.
This is not to sound like I never see people; I think there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am rarely ever alone, yet the loneliness is always present. In fact, I have found that at family gatherings, or times when I am with a large group of people, that is when I feel Richard's absence the most. It's as though it is accentuated by the fact that everyone is here, except him.
On days like this, I have to escape. The boys and I get in the car, and we drive. No particular destination in mind, we just leave. I feel by moving, by busying myself, I am forcing the hands on the clock to move. Today we drove 40 minutes to a town, where we drove around for another five minutes and then returned home. I'm sure I'll be irritated at myself when I have to fill my car with gas next time, because the drive today was pretty pointless, but it sure beat sitting at home.
It was gorgeous today though, and every time we passed a large, open field on the drive back, all I could think was how much I wanted to take the boys outside and just let them run. As soon as we got home, that's exactly what we did.
We escaped the emptiness that consumes us at times, and we did our best to laugh, and enjoy these moments we have together.
This is not to sound like I never see people; I think there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am rarely ever alone, yet the loneliness is always present. In fact, I have found that at family gatherings, or times when I am with a large group of people, that is when I feel Richard's absence the most. It's as though it is accentuated by the fact that everyone is here, except him.
On days like this, I have to escape. The boys and I get in the car, and we drive. No particular destination in mind, we just leave. I feel by moving, by busying myself, I am forcing the hands on the clock to move. Today we drove 40 minutes to a town, where we drove around for another five minutes and then returned home. I'm sure I'll be irritated at myself when I have to fill my car with gas next time, because the drive today was pretty pointless, but it sure beat sitting at home.
It was gorgeous today though, and every time we passed a large, open field on the drive back, all I could think was how much I wanted to take the boys outside and just let them run. As soon as we got home, that's exactly what we did.
We played with water.
We picked apples.
And ate some.
We picked flowers.
We rolled down hills accidentally.
We sat in the grass.
We stood tall on top of a hill.
We dunked our faces in water.
We picked apples.
And ate some.
We picked flowers.
We rolled down hills accidentally.
We sat in the grass.
We stood tall on top of a hill.
We dunked our faces in water.
We escaped the emptiness that consumes us at times, and we did our best to laugh, and enjoy these moments we have together.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Angels
I believe in Angels.
When I think of Angels, I typically envision Guardian Angels. I do believe that every small child has one. I remember when I was a little kid at night, when I was scared, sometimes I would talk to mine; it helped relax me, knowing that one of God's Angels was watching over me. And now that I have my own children, it's comforting to think of these beautiful, strong, ethereal creatures hovering over them all the time, keeping watch.
I think that there are many different kinds of Angels though. I think there are ones that can intercede in our lives. Not necessarily Touched By An Angel style, but some may be sent just to give a smile or offer a nice gesture and turn a really awful day into something pleasant. Maybe one will appear at a moment when you are in need, and their presence is completely inexplicable, but so appreciated. One may even be sent to save your life.
One incident I remember is the Cokeville Elementary School hostage situation, where David Young and his wife took nearly 200 children hostage, threatening to detonate a bomb. When the bomb exploded unexpectedly, Young's wife was the only casualty and Young ended up shooting himself in the end. Afterward, a number of the children claimed they had seen Angels in the classroom with them, and that one in particular had told them all to go near the window, away from Young's wife, which contributed to none of them being killed in the blast. While I don't think that Angelic intercession is a common occurrence, I have no doubt that it does happen.
Yesterday afternoon I had to drop a large package off at the post office. Ryan was with me, and I had been in such a hurry when we left that I didn't bother to pack the stroller. When we got to the parking lot I was looking for a close spot so that we wouldn't have far to walk. I found one, but it was next to a very large black truck, that had been lifted and was sitting on enormous tires. The owner had parked far to the right side of his spot, so that when I pulled into my parking spot, I felt pretty squished. I couldn't help but be irritated by this over-sized truck and whoever owned it.
My focus quickly changed though, as I tried to figure out how I was going to get into the store while holding Ryan and this big box. We didn't even get five feet before Ryan lost a shoe and the box had slipped out of my hands. If I let go of Ryan for one second, he would be off and running through a crowded parking lot. It was a disaster! Just at that moment, the door to the store opened, and a couple came out. An older white gentleman, and a young black woman. The man held the door open for me, as the woman helped gather Ryan's shoes up, then she took the box from me and carried it into the store, so that I was able to safely hold onto Ryan. I was so grateful for their help, and it was at exactly the moment I needed it.
As I came out of the store a couple minutes later, the couple was gone, along with the huge black truck. I felt a ping of guilt when I realized the driver I had been annoyed at for his bad parking job, turned out to be the patient couple who so kindly helped me in a situation that was a bit over my head.
I'm not saying they were Angels, I don't think Angels drive huge black trucks on lifted tires...then again, what do I know? Maybe some Angels do, maybe they are over-compensating for "Small Wing Syndrome" or something.
The point is, that we never really know. This couple, whether earthly or celestial, came into my life for only a moment and greatly helped me, and I truly appreciate that. So wherever they are, I want to say thank you. And to everyone else, keep your eyes open - you never know when an Angel may make a momentary appearance.
When I think of Angels, I typically envision Guardian Angels. I do believe that every small child has one. I remember when I was a little kid at night, when I was scared, sometimes I would talk to mine; it helped relax me, knowing that one of God's Angels was watching over me. And now that I have my own children, it's comforting to think of these beautiful, strong, ethereal creatures hovering over them all the time, keeping watch.
I think that there are many different kinds of Angels though. I think there are ones that can intercede in our lives. Not necessarily Touched By An Angel style, but some may be sent just to give a smile or offer a nice gesture and turn a really awful day into something pleasant. Maybe one will appear at a moment when you are in need, and their presence is completely inexplicable, but so appreciated. One may even be sent to save your life.
One incident I remember is the Cokeville Elementary School hostage situation, where David Young and his wife took nearly 200 children hostage, threatening to detonate a bomb. When the bomb exploded unexpectedly, Young's wife was the only casualty and Young ended up shooting himself in the end. Afterward, a number of the children claimed they had seen Angels in the classroom with them, and that one in particular had told them all to go near the window, away from Young's wife, which contributed to none of them being killed in the blast. While I don't think that Angelic intercession is a common occurrence, I have no doubt that it does happen.
Yesterday afternoon I had to drop a large package off at the post office. Ryan was with me, and I had been in such a hurry when we left that I didn't bother to pack the stroller. When we got to the parking lot I was looking for a close spot so that we wouldn't have far to walk. I found one, but it was next to a very large black truck, that had been lifted and was sitting on enormous tires. The owner had parked far to the right side of his spot, so that when I pulled into my parking spot, I felt pretty squished. I couldn't help but be irritated by this over-sized truck and whoever owned it.
My focus quickly changed though, as I tried to figure out how I was going to get into the store while holding Ryan and this big box. We didn't even get five feet before Ryan lost a shoe and the box had slipped out of my hands. If I let go of Ryan for one second, he would be off and running through a crowded parking lot. It was a disaster! Just at that moment, the door to the store opened, and a couple came out. An older white gentleman, and a young black woman. The man held the door open for me, as the woman helped gather Ryan's shoes up, then she took the box from me and carried it into the store, so that I was able to safely hold onto Ryan. I was so grateful for their help, and it was at exactly the moment I needed it.
As I came out of the store a couple minutes later, the couple was gone, along with the huge black truck. I felt a ping of guilt when I realized the driver I had been annoyed at for his bad parking job, turned out to be the patient couple who so kindly helped me in a situation that was a bit over my head.
I'm not saying they were Angels, I don't think Angels drive huge black trucks on lifted tires...then again, what do I know? Maybe some Angels do, maybe they are over-compensating for "Small Wing Syndrome" or something.
The point is, that we never really know. This couple, whether earthly or celestial, came into my life for only a moment and greatly helped me, and I truly appreciate that. So wherever they are, I want to say thank you. And to everyone else, keep your eyes open - you never know when an Angel may make a momentary appearance.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A Stock Recommendation
Hi, my name is Kellyn, and I am a member of AAA.
Not to be confused with AA, as a friend of mine on Facebook, recently did. She thought I was confessing my struggle with alcohol to everyone in the internet world, rather than talking about how my car battery had died. She figured it out pretty quickly though, so, crisis averted. Reputation still intact. Oh, and for the record I have never been to an AA meeting.
Like I said though, I am a member of AAA (American Automobile Association), and thank goodness, too. At times it seems like our family is the sole reason they stay in business. There was the time, when Jacob was about six weeks old, and I was driving to the airport to pick Richard up, as he had been at school in San Diego. I was driving the '94 Camry we had recently bought from my grandparents. I think this was the first "big" trip I was taking it on; the airport is a good two hours from my house, (hour and a half if there is no traffic....or if my Dad is driving).
It was an especially hot day in the month of June. Just as I got to the airport, I was taking a turn onto a road that would lead me to the arrivals section, when all of the sudden the car slowwwwed down, and came to a stop. I checked the gas, it wasn't anywhere near empty. I couldn't figure out why the car wouldn't move. There was traffic EVERYWHERE, as I was at an international airport at 5pm on a Friday night.
I was able to coast the car just far enough onto the shoulder, so that cars could get around me, but only just barely. I had been sitting in the car for a couple minutes, when a state patrol officer pulled up behind me, honked his horn and yelled that I needed to move, that I couldn't park on the side of the road. I explained to the officer what was going on. When he couldn't figure out the problem, he helped me push my car a little further onto the shoulder, then offered to take me to arrivals, so that I could meet up with Richard who had been waiting for several minutes by then. (Oh, and the officer made me ride in the back of the police car. That wasn't embarrassing at all).
I can't remember what was wrong with the car now, but in the end, we had to wait for a AAA tow truck to come get the car, then ride along with the truck driver the two-plus hours back to our house. It was a crazy night, but, they saved us.
Then there was the day after Ryan was born. Richard had gone back home that night to sleep, but he said he would be back to the hospital first thing in the morning. I woke up the next day to him calling me. He had left a light on in the car, and it was dead. He was waiting on AAA, got the car jump-started, and was over to the hospital in no time.
Last summer, Richard's mom was visiting us, and the car battery in our van died while we were shopping up in Burlington. I was nervous since it was a warm, summer day and we had both the babies in the car, but AAA got there within twenty minutes, and we were good to go.
Just a few months ago, Richard's car died at work, and AAA drove onto the Navy base and got it going again for him.
And then there was another time, when both Richard's parents were visiting and our car battery died in our driveway, and a not-so-friendly man, who didn't speak much English came out to fix it. We may not have been able to communicate in the same language, but from the looks he was giving me, I could tell he was thinking, What kind of person has their car battery die in their own driveway? Me, that's who. And that wouldn't be the last time.
I remember when I first got my membership, I thought to myself, When are we ever going to use this?? Turns out, we use it pretty often. And when I think back on all the times we have used AAA, I honestly don't know what we would have done without them.
Well, I needed their services this past Saturday. Guess whose car battery died in her driveway? If you guessed me - you win! I'm pretty sure it was Jacob's fault though. Now I know you're all probably thinking I am just blaming my two year old because he can't stand up for himself, but it's true! He loves to play in our cars and push all the buttons and turn on the wipers and every single light, and while I try to keep after him and turn off everything he has pushed on, I must have missed a light, and it was on all night long.
So we called AAA, who informed me that I have almost used up all of my free roadside assistance vouchers for the year, (thank God the new year starts over August 1st, or I might be in trouble!) They came out, jumpstarted the van and we were on our way. End of the story, right?
Wrong.
Yesterday, the boys and I get in the van, ready to head out to do some grocery shopping. I put the key in the ignition, turn it and? Nothing. Car. Is. Dead. AGAIN!
"Seriously? Seriously??" I am yelling at my car, then I yell a few more things at it, hoping to really hurt its feelings. Sigh. I pull out my AAA card and dial them up, almost embarrassed to be calling them again so soon.
Then while we're waiting for the jumpstart guy to show up, I go over to our other car - and I swear I am not making this up - that car is DEAD TOO! Seriously. At this point, it's almost funny. Almost.
Then the tow truck guy shows up, and guess who it is? Mr. Cranky-Doesn't-Speak-English guy from a few months ago.
"Same problemo, eh?" He grunts at me. His frown got even deeper when I told him that both of my cars needed a jumpstart. In the end though, we got both of them running again.
Hopefully this will be the end of the story for a while now...but you may want to consider investing in AAA, because we will definitely be renewing our membership!
Not to be confused with AA, as a friend of mine on Facebook, recently did. She thought I was confessing my struggle with alcohol to everyone in the internet world, rather than talking about how my car battery had died. She figured it out pretty quickly though, so, crisis averted. Reputation still intact. Oh, and for the record I have never been to an AA meeting.
Like I said though, I am a member of AAA (American Automobile Association), and thank goodness, too. At times it seems like our family is the sole reason they stay in business. There was the time, when Jacob was about six weeks old, and I was driving to the airport to pick Richard up, as he had been at school in San Diego. I was driving the '94 Camry we had recently bought from my grandparents. I think this was the first "big" trip I was taking it on; the airport is a good two hours from my house, (hour and a half if there is no traffic....or if my Dad is driving).
It was an especially hot day in the month of June. Just as I got to the airport, I was taking a turn onto a road that would lead me to the arrivals section, when all of the sudden the car slowwwwed down, and came to a stop. I checked the gas, it wasn't anywhere near empty. I couldn't figure out why the car wouldn't move. There was traffic EVERYWHERE, as I was at an international airport at 5pm on a Friday night.
I was able to coast the car just far enough onto the shoulder, so that cars could get around me, but only just barely. I had been sitting in the car for a couple minutes, when a state patrol officer pulled up behind me, honked his horn and yelled that I needed to move, that I couldn't park on the side of the road. I explained to the officer what was going on. When he couldn't figure out the problem, he helped me push my car a little further onto the shoulder, then offered to take me to arrivals, so that I could meet up with Richard who had been waiting for several minutes by then. (Oh, and the officer made me ride in the back of the police car. That wasn't embarrassing at all).
I can't remember what was wrong with the car now, but in the end, we had to wait for a AAA tow truck to come get the car, then ride along with the truck driver the two-plus hours back to our house. It was a crazy night, but, they saved us.
Then there was the day after Ryan was born. Richard had gone back home that night to sleep, but he said he would be back to the hospital first thing in the morning. I woke up the next day to him calling me. He had left a light on in the car, and it was dead. He was waiting on AAA, got the car jump-started, and was over to the hospital in no time.
Last summer, Richard's mom was visiting us, and the car battery in our van died while we were shopping up in Burlington. I was nervous since it was a warm, summer day and we had both the babies in the car, but AAA got there within twenty minutes, and we were good to go.
Just a few months ago, Richard's car died at work, and AAA drove onto the Navy base and got it going again for him.
And then there was another time, when both Richard's parents were visiting and our car battery died in our driveway, and a not-so-friendly man, who didn't speak much English came out to fix it. We may not have been able to communicate in the same language, but from the looks he was giving me, I could tell he was thinking, What kind of person has their car battery die in their own driveway? Me, that's who. And that wouldn't be the last time.
I remember when I first got my membership, I thought to myself, When are we ever going to use this?? Turns out, we use it pretty often. And when I think back on all the times we have used AAA, I honestly don't know what we would have done without them.
Well, I needed their services this past Saturday. Guess whose car battery died in her driveway? If you guessed me - you win! I'm pretty sure it was Jacob's fault though. Now I know you're all probably thinking I am just blaming my two year old because he can't stand up for himself, but it's true! He loves to play in our cars and push all the buttons and turn on the wipers and every single light, and while I try to keep after him and turn off everything he has pushed on, I must have missed a light, and it was on all night long.
So we called AAA, who informed me that I have almost used up all of my free roadside assistance vouchers for the year, (thank God the new year starts over August 1st, or I might be in trouble!) They came out, jumpstarted the van and we were on our way. End of the story, right?
Wrong.
Yesterday, the boys and I get in the van, ready to head out to do some grocery shopping. I put the key in the ignition, turn it and? Nothing. Car. Is. Dead. AGAIN!
"Seriously? Seriously??" I am yelling at my car, then I yell a few more things at it, hoping to really hurt its feelings. Sigh. I pull out my AAA card and dial them up, almost embarrassed to be calling them again so soon.
Then while we're waiting for the jumpstart guy to show up, I go over to our other car - and I swear I am not making this up - that car is DEAD TOO! Seriously. At this point, it's almost funny. Almost.
Then the tow truck guy shows up, and guess who it is? Mr. Cranky-Doesn't-Speak-English guy from a few months ago.
"Same problemo, eh?" He grunts at me. His frown got even deeper when I told him that both of my cars needed a jumpstart. In the end though, we got both of them running again.
Hopefully this will be the end of the story for a while now...but you may want to consider investing in AAA, because we will definitely be renewing our membership!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Update this Week
Hello blog readers!
I have been horrible about updating this lately, which really makes me sad. I have been lacking in motivation. Hopefully it will pass. When I initially started this blog, I wanted to write every single day; that is one of my goals.
Fail.
But I will not give up. I know I need to keep at it.
I thought I would give you all an update on what the boys and I have been doing this week. As always, we do our best to keep busy.
On Monday, the boys, my mom and I made a trip to Costco. We picked up some goodies to send to Richard in packages, as well as to his good friend David. We were sad to learn that David has not gotten any care packages on the deployment so far. Not only has he been a great friend to Richard and our family, but he is also Ryan's Godfather. David is a really nice guy who, in addition to going on regular Navy deployments, has also served one tour in Afghanistan, and is scheduled to be sent back to Afghanistan in early 2011. If any of you are interested in sending him a package, or just a card expressing support, I would be more than happy to give you his name and address on the ship. And if any of you need Richard's address I, of course, have that as well!
Monday night, my mom and I did our weekly "girl's night", this time she stayed over at our house. We put the boys to bed, (they both have crib tents now, haha!), painted our nails, and watched The Bachelorette. I really haven't been in to this season at all, but oh my gosh, if Ali doesn't pick Chris then she is crazy! He's such a nice guy and his family seems amazing and I...can't believe I am writing about this....MOVING ON!
So as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I am (always) trying to lose weight. Since early May, I have been seeing a trainer twice a week, and counting calories. I see her every Tuesday and Friday. Last week I was measured again, and learned I have lost a total of 13 inches from my body in 8 weeks! Woo hoo! Still a ways to go, but that was encouraging. I got the feeling though, that my trainer was hoping for a little bit more from me, because when I returned on Tuesday this week for my session, she beat the living crap out of me. Seriously. I thought I was going to die. After 50 minutes of intense weight lifting and ab exercises, she had me flip onto my side to do abductors. Abductors are a hip and leg muscle exercise, also very commonly used as a method of torture at Guantanamo Bay, (I assume).
Not only did she have me doing this exercise, but she made me wear ankle weights, greatly increasing my pain. At one point, I felt my eyes begin to water. You will not cry! I yelled at myself in my head. It's not that I was upset, it was just the fact that my body was sweating so much at that point from the pain and physical expense, that it needed an even bigger release - tears, I guess. But there was no way I was going to look like a huge wimp in front of my trainer, so I forced the tears back and finished the exercise, yay me!...Sure, I could barely walk the next day, but still, yay me!
Jacob has been changing so much recently. He sings all the time, his favorite song is Old MacDonald. He loves singing the "EE-I-EE-I-O" part, and he can say "Moo moo here, moo moo there", but when it comes time to say what animal is on the farm, he always says "Pig". He never varies from that...Oh, and in case you were wondering, he still says "moo moo here" for the Pig.
Jacob is still really good at singing the ABC Song, along with Row, Row, Row Your Boat, and B-I-N-G-O, (except we sing a slightly altered version about a Sailor who has a boy named J-A-C-O-B). He talks so much now. At night, after he is in bed I hear him jumping up and down, practicing all of his new words. The other day, Jacob was looking through a book that has a single picture on each page, with the corresponding word. All of the sudden, he started "reading" each page out loud: "Cat! Ball! Shoes! Car!"
Jacob's Book
Not to be outdone by his big brother, Ryan has learned a few new words this week also. He can say "car", which sounds like "gah", and "Melmo" (Elmo). He also continues to terrify me with his climbing, every day he seems to find something new to climb onto. He is fearless!
Every day we miss Richard. The boys love looking through their Daddy Book, and every morning when I get them out of bed, the first thing Ryan says is "Da da!", since he knows we watch their Daddy video during breakfast. As soon as the video comes on, Jacob starts shouting "Daddy! Daddy!"
So now you're all caught up on our week. Hope you all had a great one, too!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Fair Warning
There are about three other blogs that I read on a consistent basis. I love them because the writers are honest about their lives. Brutally honest.
I envy the way in which they write; how they can so effortlessly put their experiences on "paper" so to speak, and let people read about intimate, sometimes embarrassing moments. I want to be like that. I know that to be a good blogger, and, hopefully one day, a good author, I need to be able to be honest with my readers. I want to be able to share things with all of you, the way that they really went down, and not be ashamed.
I have all these stories inside that I want to tell. Sometimes my stories will make you laugh, sometimes they might make you cringe, and other times, they might make you cry. Reading my blog may at times be uncomfortable, but, sometimes life is uncomfortable. And all I want is to freely convey our life through this blog.
You've been warned.
I envy the way in which they write; how they can so effortlessly put their experiences on "paper" so to speak, and let people read about intimate, sometimes embarrassing moments. I want to be like that. I know that to be a good blogger, and, hopefully one day, a good author, I need to be able to be honest with my readers. I want to be able to share things with all of you, the way that they really went down, and not be ashamed.
I have all these stories inside that I want to tell. Sometimes my stories will make you laugh, sometimes they might make you cringe, and other times, they might make you cry. Reading my blog may at times be uncomfortable, but, sometimes life is uncomfortable. And all I want is to freely convey our life through this blog.
You've been warned.
Reminiscing
I was updating the boys' baby books a few days ago. I do my best to keep them up to date, and I think that I do a pretty decent job. When Jacob was born I was really good about noting every new thing that happened to him, no matter how small: his first tooth, his first trip to the grocery store, his first smile...well, maybe that was a burp...nah, I'm calling it a smile - everything.
When I got pregnant with Ryan, sooo many people told me, "Oh you won't be able to keep a baby book for the second baby. Sure, you try, but about two months in you will completely give up, it's just too much work!"
I took this as a challenge though. Being a second child myself, I felt that I owed it to this new baby - and second children everywhere - to show that they matter just as much as the first! I have done a good job too I think, of noting all of Ryan's milestones. Sure, sometimes I get behind and I fudge a few dates here and there, but he'll never know. (Well, unless he should read this. In that case, sorry Ry!).
Anyways, back to the point. So as I was going through their baby books, I started getting nostalgic, looking through old photographs, having memories come flooding through my mind. I have only been a mother for about 27 months, yet so much has happened in that time with these two little guys. A couple memories I had though, were of incidents that happened before they came into the world.
When I was younger, I used to imagine how I would tell my future husband when we were going to have a baby. I remember some years ago there was a commercial for some store, where the wife gives the husband a present, like a sweater. And he's all, "What's this for?" and she's like "Happy Father's Day!" and I don't think I am explaining the commercial very well, but basically, it was her way of telling him she was pregnant. I thought that was kind of clever, and I wanted to do something along those lines, something fun and creative like that. I really haven't gotten the chance, though.
When I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I had to tell Richard over the phone. He was in San Diego, and was scheduled to be there for another month, so there really was no other option. It was also completely unexpected, and I think I was in a state of shock; I was definitely not in any condition to be coming up with creative ways of spreading the news.
About two months after Jacob was born we had a pregnancy scare. "Scare" is such a negative word, but at that time we weren't thinking about having another baby. I was feeling weird and took a pregnancy test. It was the digital kind, there are no pink lines, it's quite sophisticated. The test reads "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant". Well this one said "Pregnant". So I'm staring at it thinking, This can't be possible and ohmigod I don't want to have to give birth again! So I make up some lame excuse to Richard, race off to the store, buy two more pregnancy tests and a six pack of cranberry juice. I drank about four of the bottles on the drive home, ran into the house and peed on the new tests. They both came back negative.
So now I'm super confused.
Richard had been eying me, thinking I was acting pretty strange. So I finally decide to tell him what's going on. I sit down on the bed and just hand him the first test that was positive.
"You're lying," he says, "You faked that somehow."
"No, I'm not, look at me, I'm shaking!"
It starts to sink in. Richard's face goes pale, and all the sudden he starts talking a mile a minute, "First thing tomorrow I am going to talk to my Chief and see how I can get promoted and make more money and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..."
I've zoned out at this point, all I can think is Ohmigod I'm going to have to give birth again!
Well, a couple days later we found out for certain that the test was indeed wrong, somehow. I once had a friend tell me that there is no such thing as a false positive pregnancy test, so I'm still not sure why we got a positive reading, we must have just been lucky enough to be the only people in history to get a pregnancy test that would give a false positive!
So fast forward a few months, when I actually AM pregnant now, with Ryan. I wanted to be able to tell Richard in a more personal way this time. He was in San Diego, (yet again!), but was going to be home in a few days. So one night, Jacob and I were out to dinner with my father-in-law, Jeff, and two of his co-workers. Richard called me while we were eating, and I casually mentioned how I couldn't wait to see him in a few days, and that I had a surprise for him.
BIG mistake.
He wouldn't let it go, he had to know what the surprise was. He kept asking me for hints, and I kept trying to change the subject, all while looking nonchalant sitting next to my father-in-law. I didn't want to give anything away, and I wanted Richard to be the first to know, obviously. Richard must have been suspicious though, because at one point he finally says, "Are you pregnant?"
"Uhm...er...uhhh..."
"ARE YOU PREGNANT?!"
"Uhm, yes?" I whispered into the phone, hoping that the rest of my dinner party hadn't heard his question.
Richard was so happy though, I think our "scare" from a few months earlier had gotten us used to the idea of having a second child, and I wasn't so freaked out about the idea of giving birth again.
Still, I have never gotten to do anything creative, or even just give my husband a hug after sharing the news with him. Perhaps one day, but with my luck, who knows!
When I got pregnant with Ryan, sooo many people told me, "Oh you won't be able to keep a baby book for the second baby. Sure, you try, but about two months in you will completely give up, it's just too much work!"
I took this as a challenge though. Being a second child myself, I felt that I owed it to this new baby - and second children everywhere - to show that they matter just as much as the first! I have done a good job too I think, of noting all of Ryan's milestones. Sure, sometimes I get behind and I fudge a few dates here and there, but he'll never know. (Well, unless he should read this. In that case, sorry Ry!).
Anyways, back to the point. So as I was going through their baby books, I started getting nostalgic, looking through old photographs, having memories come flooding through my mind. I have only been a mother for about 27 months, yet so much has happened in that time with these two little guys. A couple memories I had though, were of incidents that happened before they came into the world.
When I was younger, I used to imagine how I would tell my future husband when we were going to have a baby. I remember some years ago there was a commercial for some store, where the wife gives the husband a present, like a sweater. And he's all, "What's this for?" and she's like "Happy Father's Day!" and I don't think I am explaining the commercial very well, but basically, it was her way of telling him she was pregnant. I thought that was kind of clever, and I wanted to do something along those lines, something fun and creative like that. I really haven't gotten the chance, though.
When I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I had to tell Richard over the phone. He was in San Diego, and was scheduled to be there for another month, so there really was no other option. It was also completely unexpected, and I think I was in a state of shock; I was definitely not in any condition to be coming up with creative ways of spreading the news.
About two months after Jacob was born we had a pregnancy scare. "Scare" is such a negative word, but at that time we weren't thinking about having another baby. I was feeling weird and took a pregnancy test. It was the digital kind, there are no pink lines, it's quite sophisticated. The test reads "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant". Well this one said "Pregnant". So I'm staring at it thinking, This can't be possible and ohmigod I don't want to have to give birth again! So I make up some lame excuse to Richard, race off to the store, buy two more pregnancy tests and a six pack of cranberry juice. I drank about four of the bottles on the drive home, ran into the house and peed on the new tests. They both came back negative.
So now I'm super confused.
Richard had been eying me, thinking I was acting pretty strange. So I finally decide to tell him what's going on. I sit down on the bed and just hand him the first test that was positive.
"You're lying," he says, "You faked that somehow."
"No, I'm not, look at me, I'm shaking!"
It starts to sink in. Richard's face goes pale, and all the sudden he starts talking a mile a minute, "First thing tomorrow I am going to talk to my Chief and see how I can get promoted and make more money and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..."
I've zoned out at this point, all I can think is Ohmigod I'm going to have to give birth again!
Well, a couple days later we found out for certain that the test was indeed wrong, somehow. I once had a friend tell me that there is no such thing as a false positive pregnancy test, so I'm still not sure why we got a positive reading, we must have just been lucky enough to be the only people in history to get a pregnancy test that would give a false positive!
So fast forward a few months, when I actually AM pregnant now, with Ryan. I wanted to be able to tell Richard in a more personal way this time. He was in San Diego, (yet again!), but was going to be home in a few days. So one night, Jacob and I were out to dinner with my father-in-law, Jeff, and two of his co-workers. Richard called me while we were eating, and I casually mentioned how I couldn't wait to see him in a few days, and that I had a surprise for him.
BIG mistake.
He wouldn't let it go, he had to know what the surprise was. He kept asking me for hints, and I kept trying to change the subject, all while looking nonchalant sitting next to my father-in-law. I didn't want to give anything away, and I wanted Richard to be the first to know, obviously. Richard must have been suspicious though, because at one point he finally says, "Are you pregnant?"
"Uhm...er...uhhh..."
"ARE YOU PREGNANT?!"
"Uhm, yes?" I whispered into the phone, hoping that the rest of my dinner party hadn't heard his question.
Richard was so happy though, I think our "scare" from a few months earlier had gotten us used to the idea of having a second child, and I wasn't so freaked out about the idea of giving birth again.
Still, I have never gotten to do anything creative, or even just give my husband a hug after sharing the news with him. Perhaps one day, but with my luck, who knows!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)