Being Present While Pregnant

I realize I haven't been blogging quite as consistently as I had been. So much for my goals this year, eh? But, in my defense, I have been pretty busy. See, somewhere around February I found out that I am pregnant! That's right. For those keeping track, this will be number three for us.

So, for about the last two months I have spent most days either with my head in a toilet, or napping every second of the day that I possibly could. I am finally into the second trimester though, and, bit by bit, I am beginning to feel more and more like a human being again - with energy to keep my eyes open, and a stomach that knows how to keep food down, and all that crazy stuff!

Still, this pregnancy has not been as pleasant or easy on me as my first two were. I'd never experienced  morning all day sickness until this one. The aches and cramps as my body accommodates a growing baby have been pretty uncomfortable, and at times, just downright painful. I think I was only about six weeks along when I declared that this will be my last pregnancy.

I always knew I wanted at least three children. Even when I was in the hospital, mere minutes after giving birth to my second son, Bug, I knew that - while I wanted a break from baby-making - I was already thinking about having a third child. The strange thing is though, I am just not loving this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to have another baby, and to meet this baby, I just kind of want to be done being pregnant.

I have an app on my phone that updates me on where I am in my pregnancy and what is happening each week. And every time I look at it, I can't help but gaze longingly at the "time remaining" section.

34 weeks, 5 days.

30 weeks, 3 days.

28 weeks, 6 days.

25 weeks, 2 days, (as of this morning).

Every time I see these numbers, I find myself trying to convert them into something that doesn't sound like another military deployment, because, that's basically where I'm at right now: just under six months to go.

This morning I was telling myself that the summer will go by quickly, and that I will be keeping busy with the boys, and before I know it, it will be September and I will be heading into my final few weeks of being pregnant.

But then I had to stop myself.

I wished last summer away. All of it.

With Husband gone on deployment, I didn't want the days and weeks and months to take long,  so I filled them up with as much as I could to pass the time, and it worked pretty well. But I can't do that again. I cannot wish away two summers of my life. Even though I may not always be comfortable, or loving being pregnant, I need to be present for my boys.

This is my last summer with just two children. This is our last summer in this house, by the beach. Possibly our last summer in Washington. Most of all, this is our first summer in two years to have Husband home, so I want to take advantage of it as much as I can, and relax and enjoy every day to its fullest, rather than wishing time would speed up.

I don't mean to complain, really. I know there are so many women in the world who would gladly suffer through sickness and fatigue and any other horrible pain, just to have a baby, and I don't mean to diminish this blessing whatsoever. I know we are lucky that we are so incredibly fertile. Like my mom says, all Husband and I have to do is put our slippers together and POOF! Baby.

So in the coming days and weeks, I will be working on my attitude and trying to enjoy this as much as I can, especially since it is my last pregnancy, and I know that once this baby is born I will probably start crying to Husband about how I miss being pregnant.

And when that day comes, I want everyone to remind me of this post. Please.