Lovely Summer Nights

I love summer evenings. Stepping out front around 8pm and it's still light out. There's the last bit of glow from the sun in the western sky. Outside it is fresh and warm, with a slight breeze that whispers at the ends of your hair. The air is thick with the scent of lilacs and fresh-cut grass.

In the distance you can hear the repetitive chu-chu-chu of a sprinkler, and maybe one lone neighbor mowing his lawn a few blocks over. Older kids, who are allowed to stay up this late, are still out on the street playing basketball or hide and seek, and their laughter intertwines with the peace of the night, as you take it all in...

On these perfect summer nights, it seems that nothing bad could ever happen. No matter how old I get, these kinds of nights always stay the same, and they make me feel like a kid again. It is all timeless, and there is something so beautiful and comforting knowing that while the world is constantly changing, some things do remain. Lovely things.

Pretty Damn Good

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately, by life. And I've been complaining and whining about how much we have going on, and how complicated things are at the moment.

But then, just as I was about to have another huge slice of Pity Party Pie, I stumbled across some people who are dealing with situations, that, in my most horrific nightmares I couldn't deal with. Life and death situations. Full of uncertainty and fear, and no answers for the future.

It's really made me stop and realize that I have it pretty damn good. And while some days it might seem like the world is on my shoulders, and I don't know where we'll be several months down the road, at least we are all healthy, and happy, and because of that, I know we can face whatever comes our way.

So today I am going to put on a smile, and stop complaining about my "problems", and instead, count all of the blessings that surround me in this beautiful life of ours.

Organic Shmorganic

I've never purchased organic food before.

No offense to those who swear by it, but I've always assumed it was just a marketing ploy used by companies in an attempt to earn a few extra dollars on a bag of carrots. That, or else"organic" meant the company didn't clean the produce and there was a chance you would find bugs in your bag of carrots.

Either way, I just wasn't getting sucked into the fad of going organic.

I love that line from the movie "Baby Mama", when Tina Fey brings Amy Poehler's character a bunch of organic food, and Amy Poehler says something along the line of organic food being for rich people who hate themselves.

Well guess what? I am now one of them.

Only, we're not rich. So...I guess that means I just hate myself?

Point is, we have experienced a few events in the past couple months that have pointed us in the direction of the organic food aisle.

Also, I watched the movie "Food Matters", and pretty much decided I never wanted to eat anything ever again.

I learned that organic actually means the produce has not been treated with any pesticides or....spermicides, or other -cides. All good things. And? You won't find any bugs or worms crawling around in the bag of food. Then again, after watching "Food Matters", I had to admit that eating an insect probably wouldn't be nearly as bad as ingesting the toxic chemicals usually sprayed on fruit and vegetables.

I feel so uncomfortable writing about this though, and talking to other people about it, because, I'm afraid it is going to make me sound snotty or like a know-it-all. And that's so not me. I am all for feeding my kids healthy stuff, and I am really trying to get on the healthy train too, but I admit I still sneak a frozen pizza or a few Cheetos now and then. And there is no way you are getting between me and a good cheeseburger. But as I get older, I realize more and more that it's important for me to really think about the things I am putting into my body, especially while pregnant.

The thing is, the world makes it freaking difficult to eat healthy. I mean, I'm sorry "Food Matters" producers, but we are a single income family, with 2+ children, and when it comes to the last few days before payday and we are down to our last dollar, am I going to buy 10 items off the McDonald's Value Menu or one bag of organic celery?

Tough choice.

But I don't want it to be. I don't want it to be about money, I just want to be able to buy what is best for my children so that I can feel like a good mom when I go to bed at night, like I am helping them build healthy bodies.

So I am on a mission to find affordable organic produce. One thing I am planning on doing this summer is growing a lot of my own. I plan to plant seeds for green beans, carrots, strawberries, and whatever else I can find. We already have an apple and a pear tree, so I think we should be set as far as those go. But for the days when we don't want to look at another apple, I would like to know where I can shop to find organic food that won't break the bank. Do farmer's markets sell organic food for less? Does anyone have any tricks of the trade?

I am really determined to feed my family healthy, I just don't want us going broke in the process.

Beat Down by a Couple of Toddlers

There are some days when I am so on top of things, and all of the meals are delicious and well-balanced, and the kids are clean and well-behaved, and everything runs smoothly, and I can't help but feel a little smug and think to myself, I could totally have like six kids, parenting is a piece of cake.

And then there are days like today. When I am completely and utterly beat down by these little children of mine, and they are screaming and hitting and climbing and breaking and running circles around my inexperienced self. I feel so drained, and inept at this whole parenting business, and start to wonder how on earth I will ever manage being responsible for three human beings. And while I would normally reach for a nice, relaxing glass of wine, post-bedtime, to calm my nerves...and make me feel less like a complete failure, I unfortunately do not have that option now that I have a bun in the oven.

So, obviously, I do the next best thing, and eat a plate of cookies for dinner.

I made sure they were oatmeal chocolate chip though, since everyone knows oatmeal cookies are the healthy kind.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. And if tomorrow kicks my butt too, at least there are always more cookies.

Being Present While Pregnant

I realize I haven't been blogging quite as consistently as I had been. So much for my goals this year, eh? But, in my defense, I have been pretty busy. See, somewhere around February I found out that I am pregnant! That's right. For those keeping track, this will be number three for us.

So, for about the last two months I have spent most days either with my head in a toilet, or napping every second of the day that I possibly could. I am finally into the second trimester though, and, bit by bit, I am beginning to feel more and more like a human being again - with energy to keep my eyes open, and a stomach that knows how to keep food down, and all that crazy stuff!

Still, this pregnancy has not been as pleasant or easy on me as my first two were. I'd never experienced  morning all day sickness until this one. The aches and cramps as my body accommodates a growing baby have been pretty uncomfortable, and at times, just downright painful. I think I was only about six weeks along when I declared that this will be my last pregnancy.

I always knew I wanted at least three children. Even when I was in the hospital, mere minutes after giving birth to my second son, Bug, I knew that - while I wanted a break from baby-making - I was already thinking about having a third child. The strange thing is though, I am just not loving this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to have another baby, and to meet this baby, I just kind of want to be done being pregnant.

I have an app on my phone that updates me on where I am in my pregnancy and what is happening each week. And every time I look at it, I can't help but gaze longingly at the "time remaining" section.

34 weeks, 5 days.

30 weeks, 3 days.

28 weeks, 6 days.

25 weeks, 2 days, (as of this morning).

Every time I see these numbers, I find myself trying to convert them into something that doesn't sound like another military deployment, because, that's basically where I'm at right now: just under six months to go.

This morning I was telling myself that the summer will go by quickly, and that I will be keeping busy with the boys, and before I know it, it will be September and I will be heading into my final few weeks of being pregnant.

But then I had to stop myself.

I wished last summer away. All of it.

With Husband gone on deployment, I didn't want the days and weeks and months to take long,  so I filled them up with as much as I could to pass the time, and it worked pretty well. But I can't do that again. I cannot wish away two summers of my life. Even though I may not always be comfortable, or loving being pregnant, I need to be present for my boys.

This is my last summer with just two children. This is our last summer in this house, by the beach. Possibly our last summer in Washington. Most of all, this is our first summer in two years to have Husband home, so I want to take advantage of it as much as I can, and relax and enjoy every day to its fullest, rather than wishing time would speed up.

I don't mean to complain, really. I know there are so many women in the world who would gladly suffer through sickness and fatigue and any other horrible pain, just to have a baby, and I don't mean to diminish this blessing whatsoever. I know we are lucky that we are so incredibly fertile. Like my mom says, all Husband and I have to do is put our slippers together and POOF! Baby.

So in the coming days and weeks, I will be working on my attitude and trying to enjoy this as much as I can, especially since it is my last pregnancy, and I know that once this baby is born I will probably start crying to Husband about how I miss being pregnant.

And when that day comes, I want everyone to remind me of this post. Please.

Coke

I've had a morning.

Husband left a full glass of Coke on the windowsill last night, and of course Bug found it.

I spotted him lifting this huge glass to his lips to drink, and I am thinking, 1) Don't spill that glass on the carpet!, and 2) OMG if he drinks that it is going to rot a hole in his tiny stomach!

Very slowly I walk over to him, talking in soft, calming tones, hoping he won't suspect what I am doing. Finally, I am right in front of him and my fingertips are literally about to touch the glass when Ryan THROWS IT. Just throws it!

Coke goes everywhere - all over me, all over the couch and all over the carpet.

Now, I don't really care about me. I usually live in my pajamas until like 3pm, so it's not like the soda got all over a nice outfit or anything.

And, I guess if I think about it, I don't really care about the couch. We bought it when I was pregnant with our first son, and we weren't thinking with the minds of new parents. We bought a lovely toffee-color couch, and then we had a baby. And we promptly got formula, pee and baby food all over that couch. Along with the occasional sour patch martini.

In hindsight, we should have bought a black couch. Gothic, yes. But at least it would have hidden all of our spills over the last three years.

The carpet, on the other hand, is of more concern to me. It's not ours. This whole house isn't ours, it's a rental. And I have broken enough things in the time that we've lived here that I'm afraid the landlord is going to start thinking I just run around with a hammer everyday smashing stuff. And now we've got spilled Coke all over the pretty beige carpet. Not only do I fully expect him to keep our security deposit when we move, but I wouldn't be surprised if he charges an additional one, after all the damage we've done here.

And now Bug, as destructive as he may be, is at my waist crying because he is also very sensitive and hates getting in trouble. Pretty sure his feelings will be hurt for the rest of the day since I put him in time out. 

So like I said, I've had a morning. And it's not even 9am here on the west coast. Someone please tell me things can only get better?

Winter Blues

I hate winter.

I feel like once Christmas and New Year's have come and gone, it really serves no purpose. 

I know that we here in the Pacific Northwest may not exactly have that much of a right to complain, as opposed to those in the midwest who completely get buried by FEET of snow, and are expected to - not only survive - but actually be productive human beings in sub-zero degree temperatures. But, our winter can be just as depressing. When January arrives we are shrouded in a grayness that gets into your very soul. Even though winter days are supposedly "short", they seem to be never-ending, becoming one really long, depressing day.

Every once in awhile we get a bit of a tease with a bright, sunny - albeit cold - day, and everyone starts smiling again, and talking about how we will hopefully have an early spring. But then, just as our optimism and hope begin to come out of hibernation - BAM! We get sneak-attacked by some random snow storm when on the very cusp of springtime.

Really, Weather?! This was uncalled for.

You know when I would love some snow? 


December. 


When I am sitting in my house, drinking hot chocolate, decorating the Christmas tree and listening to holiday music. I would love a nice snowfall as we pack the kids in the car and drive around the neighborhood looking at Christmas lights, (okay, well, technically we could still do this one, and just drive back and forth in front of our black sheep neighbor who HASN'T TAKEN HIS CHRISTMAS LIGHTS DOWN YET. But it's not the same).

I do not enjoy snow when we are four months into this wintry season and the kids have had cabin fever for three months of it. On a normal day we can't go outside to play because things are too wet and cold, and now we can't even just go for a drive somewhere to cheer us all up because this stupid snow has made us prisoners in our own house.

I considered taking the boys out in the snow to play, but the last time we went outside Binker ran for our not-childproofed deck, and Ryan ran straight down the hill in our backyard, coming within inches of the ditch at the bottom. Trying to stay in control of the two of them outside by myself just seemed kind of exhausting to me.

Watching the snow fall

So now we're stuck. I am desperately trying to think of fun, new activities to keep the boys entertained within the confines of our house, but when you're dealing with five minute attention spans, it can be tough. Any suggestions on some things that would keep two toddler boys happy?

Alternately, I am also open to prayers for spring. As far as we're concerned, it can't get here fast enough.